Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Blow Me Away

I'm getting emotional again, I know right.

Hope You Guys can cheer me up!

I'm depressed and having negative thoughts.

Problems that work & home. I'm losing it. Need to escape. Take it easy, Ahmer!

But at least, I know what is going on with ME.

I just want to blow it off.

It's like a pressure cooker. You release some of the air, So it won't boil over.

Friday, September 24, 2010

Insensitive

I got killed with insensitivity.
I have this friend.
One way or another, She has done things which have hurt me.
I was transparent to let her feel that I am angry.
She noticed it but had no idea why I felt that way.
The more I got angry at her because of her being clueless.
Then I was hit in the head. She would not give a damn.
Coz she is insensitive to care.
Kaya nga insensitive diba?
Ang tanga ko naman : D

The word is truly amazing. Coz it speaks for itself.
It encompasses it all. But then again, as if the word would care about it.
Insensitive nga diba? : )

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Celebration

Sa unang pagkakataon ako ay magdiriwang ng aking anibersaryo at emo-emohan.

Biruin nyo, naka-Dalawang Taon na pala aking tahanan dito sa mundo ng blogosperyo.

Na minsan ko na din iniwan ng anim na buwan, lumipat sa bagong tahanan at muling nagbalik na kung saan ako dito nagsimula. 
Parang buhay pag-ibig, minsan handa mong isakripisyo ang isang bagay para sa minamahal mo' na sa bandang huli ay malalaman mo sa maling tao mo pala ito naibigay. 


Sabi nga ni Roanne sa bagong post nya, Ganun talaga ang buhay' Kumplikado! At dahil dyan naisipan ko din gumawa ng Dream Board gaya-gaya lang kay Chingoy -- sa blogpost nya na yan ay madami pala akong pangarap na na-isantabi muna kaya gagawa din ako ng dream board ko para mapa-alala sa akin ang mga gusto ko mangyari sa aking buhay.


Sa loob ng Dalawang Taon ng aking paninirahan sa mundong punong-puno ng kamunduhan magagandang salita na nagbibigay inspirasyon sa bawat mambabasa; at pumukaw sa ating damdamin, madami na din ang nangyari na bahagyang naka-pagpabago sa takbo ng aking buhay; nagkaroon ng pag-ibig, nabigo at muling nagmahal.

Noong nagsisimula pa ako, Akala ko hanggang sa mundo lang ito kayo pwede magkakilala. Hindi ko akalain na posible pala ang magkaroon ka ng kaibigan dito sa blogosperyo. Kaya ako ay nagpapasalamat sa mga Blogger na aking nakilala at naging kaibigan sina Jepoy, Glentot, Yj, Nyl, Victor, Chingoy, Andy, Gillboard, Pusang-Kalye, Shattershards at sa mga hindi ko pa nakikita ng personal na sina Raft3r na pinaka masipag mag-iwan ng komento, Roanne, The Scud, Fiel-kun, Bulakbolero magpakita na kayo! Haha Pasensya na sa mga nakalimutan ko. Haha

Muli akong nagpapasalamat sa lahat na naging bahagi ng Dalawang Taon ko sa mundong ito.

Inuman na!

Sunday, September 19, 2010

What Goes Around Comes Around


What is karma? Why do we have karma? Is karma with the self or do we truly have lessons that need to be learned with other souls?  



When I think about karma I think about attitude, energy, cause and effect and that as attitude and energy, Karma rides along with the force (within us) that we use to live out our lives. I have never heard karma explained this way, this is just my thinking about karma applied to my life.


Karma, for me, is like DNA, it is like a life script within us, and I/we can learn how to regulate the type and kind of karma that sits within our hearts and minds, and rises up from the unconscious.

What do you think karma is and how has it affected you?





Image taken here.

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Things That Matter

It doesn't matter how well we can count our rights and wrong.

Nor the ones who we messed up.

It doesn't matter what of our good aspects add up to great, or how we have gotten to be.

It isn't about who we pretend to be.

But it is who we are, That makes us, what, all just what there is to love.

If somehow you can be you, And love and be loved in return.

What does really matter anyway? A lot.

It is knowing that makes it all worthwhile.





Thursday, September 16, 2010

Therapy

Wednesday

Got home at 08:15
.
.
.
Listened to TMR until their segment ended.
Topic : Dear Blank, (Note)
Worth it 'coz my entry sorted out.

It goes like this...

"Dear Antok, Dalawin mo naman ako"
.
.
.
Time 10:25

Wide awake.
Tossed and turned still can't sleep.
I wanted to sleep, but my mind and body were not cooperating.

"What's on my mind? There's a problem do I need to solve?"
I figured out what's what, I thought I will be on my way to some restful zzzz's
Tried to ignore it but still there...on my mind

Time 12:15
Got up and did something 'till tired enough.
Did some light stretches.

Booze-wise.
Had glasses of red wine.

All Failed

Time 12:39

I took a warm bath and a glass of warm milk.
Moved to a darker room.
Played some soothing music that lull me to sleep.

Breathe. Inhaled. Exhaled.

Mantra.
Mmmmmmmm
om
Ahhhh
So Sleepy...

Prayed.
I turned it over to the M of U.

Time 14:59 - Sleeping

and Woke up at 18:38

The Time used Reference from Text Messages.
Therapy by India.Arie - the last song that I heard before slipping into Dreamland.






Friday, September 10, 2010

NO ONE ELSE COMES CLOSE

It was a fine sunny afternoon away on a beach. The day I cannot forget. The carroty velvet sky appears just solemn above the horizon where our thoughts our glued.

“What could be beyond there?

I asked, feeling the scalp of your hair on my chin.

“Isn’t that supposed to be something you must tell me, honey?” you sweetly answered while moving your hands upwards to caress my cheeks.

For a while, silence engulfed us but the racing waves of the sea. It rhymed with the tune of our soul. You and me---locked away from the sneering eyes of men.

“At last, you are here with me now…I could never ask for anything more than this moment…” I whispered as my lips moved down a bit just near to your ears.

Then you softly muttered, “I love you…” with your eyes cutely closed.

I can never explain how much that delicate figure on my lap seizes me. I thought of things I could say, but I just can’t find the right ones. I virtually ran out of words at the sight of that image.

For once, I pleaded divinely for the clock to stand still that moment and let the world be a living witness to our madness. I cannot overemphasize this, but I love you even more.

“This is stupidity!” We always vocally say that. Deep inside us, we could not even care less. I would never hesitate tucking my heart out if only to let them all know that you mean the entire world to me now.

“Uh-uh-um-uh-uh-uh-uh-um-uh…….”

I hummed the best lullaby I could muster as I picked from the corner of my mind a song I’ve always wanted to sing to you.


“When we turn out the lights…the two of us alone together,
Something just not right, but girl you know that I won’t ever let,
Another’s touch, come between the two of us,
‘Coz no one else will ever take your place,

…no one else comes close to you…no one makes me feel the way you do…”
I felt your hands clasping my arms as if to emphasize yourself to me in between the lines I had sung. You didn’t have to say anything at all to let me know just what you feel. The warmth of your embrace means it all. Just that and nothing more.

In a split of a second, we drifted into a fantasy hardly ever been done and think of. We love each other so much just enough to fuel our latent desires and propel us into a world of make-believe---at least we made it on that day.

I cuddled you more inside my arms, feeling envious of even a slight breeze of air on your cheeks. The night was getting dark and I had sensed a feeling of urgency to hide you inside me.

“Just when will this end? I am tired of setting things up and be a slave of your time. Take me now to a place where we could feel fear no more…” you whimpered.

In the midst of the darkness, I saw a shining ball of water dropped from your eyes. Not one, not two, not three---but endless. I felt your pain as your sobs rhymed with the sound of the waves as if telling me I needed to set you free. A tear fell helplessly from my eyes.


Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Off-The-Wall

Strangely, I have become a slave to my emotions…the passion I’ve been wanting to conceal ever since I started to put much weight into my pride and masculine undertones to let other people know that my love will manifest only at a very random circumstance. Afraid for everybody to take a superficial judgment into my long-been-kept fragility, I tried my way of upholding my belief of an ideal love clandestinely. Until everything has changed when I met you darling. Was it a sort of karmic debt? Or another love story bound to end tragically?

We may never know how long will this end and how far we may go through in the midst of the unseen mockery of our first self-proclaimed divinely-planned encounter. A love like ours, have happened cyclically ever since God finally assented to give us the one-in-a-million privilege of knowing each other. Until now, I still ask myself, and the entire universe who have been both the conspirators and witnesses, of how our love began.

I had walked astray to different forks of my journey all this time, certainly and constantly believing that the road I have been traversing is somewhat the right and final one. I fooled myself of the things I had come across with and let myself being mired into sordid circumstances. I never knew that we both had passed the same roads until we just saw each other stained with blood at the crossroads. The pains of our past keep flashing on our minds and vitiating our professed affection…and it will never cease to exist in the depths of my soul for its scars have remained there, constantly reminding me that fate has played a game on us unknowingly. But my love has been binding in you already that each strand of your repulsive past made me always less of a man.

I don’t understand myself why am I still fighting for you though the pain has been a constant nightmare to me. I will never understand it and I will seek the answers no more for I know I couldn’t dig into the true essence of my obsession. I just let it be and hold myself and my destiny liable for the heartaches and pains it brought to me. You have never wronged me, but my fate does…I fell into its bait purposely to smack me of the reality. Neither would I feel bitter about it nor would I blame you because we are just puppets being played meticulously at the center stage of God’s loving hands.

With much love and adoration to the girl whom I had willfully let myself a slave…I love you apart from all my doubts, my pains and my hatred…


- Letter from A man who considers himself as just another fly off the wall.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone