Tuesday, May 23, 2017

Q U I C K S A N D

You try so hard to resist the force that keeps on pulling you down. You grab on to things that you think are strong enough to let you hold on. You attempt to pull these things, hoping that they are really firm enough to pull you out from the quicksand. But they are not, apparently. Some choose to fly away and rest beside other quicksand. Some tend to get sucked by the quicksand too, realizing that holding on for a long time was worthless. Some crawl away from your grasp, and watch you from a distance. You finally realize that there's nothing to hold on anymore. You watch yourself sink slowly into the darkness.

Sometimes, you are able to emerge from it. You use all the strength you have to push out all the sand surrounding you. You see some sunlight and for a moment, there was some hope that burned inside you. You immediately reach for that light, knowing that what's behind it is much better than where you are. But the light is too elusive. The more you reach out, the farther it gets. And again, you become tired, your energy is drained. You stop reaching for it and you watch yourself sink slowly into nothingness.

Whenever you feel that you need to get out from it, you think of all the things you used to have. These things were the reasons why you have become yourself. These things made you sane. They have molded you into someone and they have helped you live a life that's full of vibrant colors and happy harmony. These things, unfortunately, were also the reasons why you are stuck in a vacuum. You shouldn’t have thought of these things in the first place. They only remind you of the pain. And when you think the quicksand cannot pull you any deeper, it grips you inside and starts to pull some more, like a roller coaster ride that only goes down.

It is not a happy place. You get that. And how you wish you could return to that life you had. But when you endure all the agony in this quicksand every day of your existence, you learn that there is no going back. The future will never be bright. The past will always be a dark and painful reminder that you have made mistakes, bad mistakes that could never be forgiven. You are stuck in the present. A gloomy and repressive state that eats up every bit of positivity inside you. You are not you anymore.

You wish you held on to those things beside the quicksand. You wish they never left you. You wish they helped you. But wishes do not come true in quicksand. You are doomed.

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