TILL DEATH DO US PART

Pwede kang magmahal kahit na ilang ulit.

Pero ang tunay na pagmamahal minsan lang.

Kaya piliin mong mabuti yung taong mamahalin mo...

...yung taong kaya kang samahan hanggan sa

kama...




...tayan



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ETERNAL

Time. It continues on for perpetuity without you. Its life is never ending just like my love for you. It carries on evermore and ever just like my hope for you. They say time is relative to all yet my love is always there no matter what.

My heart aches for you as if stabbed by a knife for without you in it I have no life. My soul withers and wails but when I think of you it shine fiercely and smiles.

With You in my heart I fly higher than height it for there is no measurement to show how much I love You. You are more than just my love; you are my heart, my body, my soul and everything.

You have all I am and so much more.

편지 혼자

Looked away, Locked the door
Left the lights off been here before
Had enough, gone too far
I know who can tend all the scars
Feel this way every night
But I know who can make it alright
And so I write...

I got no one to go to,
So if you're reading this, good for you
I know you've felt like you were all alone,
But deep inside you knew you'd pull through"
Said I can't, swear I will,
They don't care what I even feel
Head phones in, music on
Drown them out; I'll do what I want
Prove them wrong, my intent,
There no time to be conceited
And to that end...

For you I write this letter,
I know things get worse before they're better
You didn't let him break all your ambitions,
I know you showed them, made them all believers"
Many times I have felt
A losing hand is what I've been dealt
All the mess, all the hate
Had me thinking it was too late
Take a breath, recompose
One by one, my doubts I'll dispose
So here it goes...

I must apologize
For all the times my faith was compromised
For all the days I wasted in depression
I know you've finally found some peace of mind"

'Me.

HAPPY

Being alone is great, but being with someone is even better.

PETRI DISH

Often hear "everything happens for a reason" The older I get then more I lean towards dropping the second half of that sentence "everything happens."

The more I experience, the more I get the sense of the vastness of existence and the more it makes sense to me that the "great plan" is more like an unimaginably complex petri dish.

Everything is in motion and everything will eventually happen.

I have moved away from the idea that my life has some great plan and I honestly think that chance has a lot to do with life and our attitude to that chance shapes our lives far more than some divine plan.

Could it perhaps be ego that encourages us to think that we, as individuals, warrant a specific fate?

There are so many of us (and who knows how many other consciousnesses out there) that I keep coming back to "everything happens" and I have a wonderful opportunity to enjoy my part of everything.

STUPID

I don't like hearing people say this in a self-referential way because you're not.

Yes, It may be true that you did something less than intelligent, or made a few mistakes, or even failed once or twice.

Those things do not and never will make you a stupid person.

The truth is I know you're a wonderfully intelligent person and the whole world knows it, so please don't call yourself stupid.

Even as a joke.

SL

Wala ako sa mood. Hindi maganda ang pakiramdam ko ngayon, kaya tama na muna ang pagka-emo at tinatamad akong mag ingles. Ha-ha. Ibabaon ko muna sa lupa. Hongkorni. Dahil nawala ang drive ko mag trabaho ‘nung Martes kasi pinapasok ako kahit na on-leave ako. Bwisit lang! . Sana lang walang makabasa nito sa office, kundi lagot ako.

Kaya SL – Sex Leave Sick Leave ako kinabukasan. Kapag nag file ka ng SL for more than one day kailangan with Medical Certificate. Ganyan ang patakaran sa kumpanyang pinapasukan ko ‘ewan ko lang iba’. So, nagtungo ako ng hospital para magpa konsulta. Salamat sa Medical Card ng kumpanya dahil libre lahat wala akong gagastusin. Kapag may masama o may nararamdaman akong kakaiba na ‘di maganda, eh diretso ako agad sa  hospital o clinic na covered ng card para masulit ang benipisyo.

Xray Room kung saan nag sayang ng 8films sa akin =)

Ang diagnosis sa akin ni Doc ay Tension Headache, sabi ko kasi madalas sumakit ang ulo ko kapag concentrated akong nakaharap sa computer. Nireklamo ko na rin ang pananakit ng leeg ko ‘di ko kasi maigalaw ng maayos, Stiff neck kumbaga. Sabi nya Cervical Muscle Spasm at kailangan i-xray. Deretso ako sa Radiology… walong beses akong na-Xray ang tatlo dun eh pina-nganga ako. Kaya tatlong beses inulit, ibuka ko daw ng malaki. Ang pinag-tataka ko lang ang alam ko stiff neck na endorse na magpa- Xray.

Nagutom ako sa tagal ng proseso sa hospital lalo na pila sa Xray room kaya tsumibog muna ako ng lugaw w/egg at tokwa sa may kanto at kinain ko din ang dala kong biscocho na bigaw ni [insert blogger name here]. Muntikan ko pang mag 123 sa kinain ko. Nakalimutan ko magbayad. 

di masarap ang tokwa nila pramis.

Flashback. Naalala ko tuloy noong hayskul pa ako, bumibili ako ng kwik-kwik sa tapat ng school. Nakalimutan ko mag bayad bigla akong tumawid, namuntik na ako masagasaan ng dyip! Sabi ng tindera, hayan ambilis ng karma!. Makakalimutin talaga ako noon pag dating sa bayaran… tsk tsk. Pag pauwi ako from work nakakatulog ako sa bus at hindi na nakapagbayad ng pamasahe. Naiba na ang topic : D

In Short, ‘di ako papasok hanggang Friday I need some rest yan ang advised ni Doc.

A NEW BEGINNING

Here I sit, staring at my screen.

So white, so bright.

I am starting to believe I am manifesting a tan.

There are soooo many things I am going to accomplish this year.

This is my year.

When things start coming together, it may be everyone's year.

A couple of quotes keep popping into my head today:

"Forgiveness is the fragrance a violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it." -Mark Twain

"When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change." -Dr.Wayne Dyer

"Beyond the ideas of right-doing and wrong-doing there is a field. I'll meet you there." -Rumi

"Honor thy error as hidden intention." -Unknown

"Thinking is the talking of the soul to itself." -Plato

SCARS

From the words of Hannibal Lecter "our scars have the power to remind us that our past was real" And it does. No matter how much we want to erase all memory of our heartaches, our frustrations, it doesn’t matter. Because in the end, you will still look back and realize that it did happen and you can’t do anything about it.

How do we treat our wounds? We patch it up, put some medications and it heals and then leaves a scar. It’s just that. A scar, a reminder -- Fact is…you’ve gone through it. You are healed.

But why does it still hurt when we touch our scars?

YEAR 2011

Prayer for the First Day of the Year

O God, ever blessed and eternal! I thank You that today You have allowed me to begin a new year. Here in Your presence I make my resolutions for the days to come.


I resolve:

to be faithful and true to those who love me, and loyal to those who are my friends, so that I may never bring distress to their hearts;

to live in forgiveness and in kindness, that I may go about ever doing good;

to live in goodness and purity, that I may resist temptation and may be a strength to others who are tempted;

to live in sympathy and gentleness, that I may bring comfort to the sorrowing, and understanding to the perplexed;

to live in serenity and self-control, that no anger and no passion may disturb my own peace and the peace of others;

to live in full obedience to You and in Your perfect love, that in doing Your will I may find peace.

O God, our Father, grant me the strength to keep these resolutions all this year: through Jesus Christ our Lord.

Amen.


HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!


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DECEMBER 31

Prayer For the Last Day of the Year

O God, our Father, today we are looking back across the year that has passed from us.

There is so much for which we need forgiveness.

For the time we have wasted; for the opportunities we have neglected; for the stress we have given to the wrong things; for all the mistakes we have made; for the burdens we have caused to others.

There are so much for which we ought to give You thanks.

For health and for strength; for protection in the time of danger; for healing in the time of illness; for consolation in the day of sorrow; for daily light and daily encouragement.

Bless those for whom this has been a happy year, and make them give the thanks to You.

Bless those for whom this has been a sad year, and help them still to face the future with steady eyes.

And help us in the year that has come so to live that at the end of it we shall not only be one year older, but that we shall also be one year nearer You.

Amen.

DOORS

What do you do when you don't know what to do?

When you feel lost, or at a loss, what do you do?

How do you move forward? What do you turn to?

I have reached the stage in my life where I now trust the process.

If I don't know what to do, I of course react, eventually calm down and let my mind source out all my choices.

I explore being creative, and eventually the solution will come.

It really is an opportunity to get past the fear and move to another level.

I am reminded of the saying...in my house there are many rooms, some I have never opened yet.

Actually, I am writing this blog today because of my new header. Haha

HAPPY 26th!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Let's put CHRIST back in CHRISTMAS!

I’ve heard friends working abroad that they received memos on how to greet co-workers during the season. dapat daw Happy Holidays so that they can avoid any cry of discrimination from those who do not believe in Christ, and in God in general.

I just wonder, and what about us who do believe in Christ and in God? Aren’t we being discriminated upon for not letting us greet each other a cheerful and heartfelt Merry CHRISTMAS?

wala lang. napaisip lang.

So to everyone out there, pardon me if I choose not to be "politically correct" but this holiday is here because of Him. We are all here because of Him.

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!!!

And may we all remember who's birthday it is that we are celebrating. Don’t forget to greet Him din!

BUSY WEEK updated

It's the time of the season for busy week.

Monday - seen 2 Movies : Skyline & My Amnesia Girl
Tuesday - attended the premiere of IKA-SAMPU with Andy; tickets courtesy by Aajao.
Wednesday - Arraignment for my SPI case
Thursday - on SL
Friday - had an appointment at DFA for passport renewal
Saturday - will take a rest, I hope. < Fail ! 
Sunday - last Team Huddle for Year 2010.

Following week, I'll be on a romantic Honeymoon. FTW!

SEX

Like air is to living

sex is to celebrating life

healthy

lovely

and down right excellent body mind and soul therapy

may you all have many years of joyfilled beautiful and toe curling sexual healing

peace


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Massacre in Maguindanao

It was so unfortunate that it had to happen.

I cannot contribute anything but prayers for the people who died.

May all the souls of those who departed rest in peace and may justice be given for such worthless mass murder.


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FORGIVENESS

"As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons."

-The Desiderata by Max Ehrmann

SHIT

Some music sounds like SHIT, things can look like SHIT, and there are times when you feel like SHIT.

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A TIME TO GIVE BACK

"'It is more blessed to give than to receive.'"

Most of us have a picture in our heads of the ideal Christmas. In that picture, the house is beautifully decorated, artistically wrapped gifts are piled under a festive Christmas tree.

At this time of year, when our hearts grow a few sizes and our wallets are already open to buy gifts, why not give something extra and share our blessings to the less fortunate.

Andy has come up with a great idea "A Time To Give Back" project this December.

I am joining and counting myself in on this project and can't wait to get this started!
I believe I can make an input and change someone's life for the better.

"Now it’s time to give back." - PASS it on and JOIN with us! : )

NEGATIVE

Negativity is best defeated by ignoring it in advance.

Never try to cure the negativity in any one since it has  immediate power and ability to hurt you unless you are highly attentive and spiritually powerful.

Q&A - 001 : FLIRTING / FRIENDLY

What is the difference between FLIRTING & just being FRIENDLY ?

I would say intention is the difference. Apparently nice people get mistaken as flirts most of the time. But someone’s inability to judge character should not be held against a nice person.

If you have no intention of getting them in bed, then it's just being nice. haha

DÉJÀ VU

Is it instant clairvoyance? Is it a memory relived from a past life? Is it an instance lived out at the same time by aspects of yourself in paralleled dimensions? Or is it just too much coffee and not enough sleep?

What do you think it is? I think it's too much coffee.

Actually, Déjà vu could be meeting up with yourself in the future. In some dimension it may happen and then we “physically” catch up with it in third dimensional time.

or

It could be parallel lives living simultaneously and we “bump” into our other selves...in the movie” What the bleep do we know” they discuss the prospect of many different “lives and choices” being lived out at the same time in several dimensions and one day all of our “lives” meet up at the same time.

I have Déjà vu moments especially related to my dreams. Sometimes I have a vivid dream and it feels like it’s so real. Then later that week or sometimes the same day-what I dreamt about comes to pass.

The weird thing is that the dreams are never fantastical. It could be something as simple as dreaming about receiving a letter or talking to a friend on the phone. I also have this feeling when I meet people I connect with-that I have known them my entire life.

Payo Para sa Kaibigang Nag-aaral ng Abogasya

Don't push yourself too much.

If you think you have already exhausted all your efforts and they proved futile than you ever expected, then I think you should calculate first your expectations vis-a-vis your performance.

Sometimes our thoughts betray us. More often than not, we fall prey to it especially when we allow ourselves to set our goals more than we could possibly achieve.

Of course it's never wrong to strive for the best with all our might, but it's wrong to ask too much from ourselves in ways that are even beyond our capacity.

We are all unique; we have our own failings and successes, strengths and weaknesses, and if you think you are not performing the way you want it to, don't fret out too much, don't fault yourself, because law students, great and small, suffer the same setbacks once, twice, many times.

Take each failure as a lesson for the next stride, and most importantly, start from the bottom and work your way up, one at a time.

But it doesn't mean that because you feel you're not good enough every time you get out of your school after the day's harsh, you'll never amount to anything. I bet it won't go as far as that considering that, as you said, you think your performing well enough relatively.

Law school is not only about passing the bar, or feeling extraordinarily bright. It's also about life and the most murdered concept: truth.

Enjoy life, enjoy law school!

KISS

The kiss that starts the whole mood is crucial to me.

As a man I desire a passionate kiss that can easliy arouse my sexual craving, I believe it is the gateway of emotions.

A good kiss can release the tension and stressors of life and engage in the moment of hot intimate sex with your partner.

The kiss says I want you, take me, seduce me, I am yours.

How we respond to the kiss is equally important of what we feel towards our lover.

A good kiss will leave you begging for more...

STARRY STARRY NIGHT (VINCENT)

I love Van Gogh's later works, they were vibrant and full of colour, his unique style appeals to my senses and they always call to me, as I wonder what he was feeling at the time he painted. He was brilliant yet so sad.

Starry Starry Night ~ Don Mclean 

A song worthy of pulling out and listening to once in awhile. It reflects the intense passion of the painter.

Starry, starry night.

Paint your palette blue and grey,

Look out on a summer's day,

With eyes that know the darkness in my soul.

Shadows on the hills,

Sketch the trees and the daffodils,

Catch the breeze and the winter chills,

In colors on the snowy linen land.

Now I understand what you tried to say to me,

How you suffered for your sanity,

How you tried to set them free.

They would not listen, they did not know how.

Perhaps they'll listen now.

Starry, starry night.

Flaming flowers that brightly blaze,

Swirling clouds in violet haze,

Reflect in Vincent's eyes of china blue.

Colors changing hue, morning field of amber grain,

Weathered faces lined in pain,

Are soothed beneath the artist's loving hand.

Now I understand what you tried to say to me,

How you suffered for your sanity,

How you tried to set them free.

They would not listen, they did not know how.

Perhaps they'll listen now.

For they could not love you,

But still your love was true.

And when no hope was left in sight

On that starry, starry night,

You took your life, as lovers often do.

But I could have told you, Vincent,

This world was never meant for one

As beautiful as you.

Starry, starry night.

Portraits hung in empty halls,

frameless head on nameless walls,

With eyes that watch the world and can't forget.

Like the strangers that you've met,

The ragged men in the ragged clothes,

The silver thorn of bloody rose,

Lie crushed and broken on the virgin snow.

Now I think I know what you tried to say to me,

How you suffered for your sanity,

How you tried to set them free.

They would not listen, they're not listening still.

Perhaps they never will

SINCERITY

A man can never hope to be more than he is if he is not first honest about what he isn’t.

Don Williams, Jr



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SLEEPING NAKED

me. sleeping naked. | do you sleep naked?

I was lying in bed sleeping naked and I felt someone standing behind me.

I just stayed still.

She came up and almost cuddled against my back. 

I couldn’t move.

She said “shhhhhhhhh”.

I could hear and feel her breathing on me. 

It was a raspy almost animal-like sound of breathing. 

I couldn’t see her because I couldn’t open my eyes yet I knew that she had long dark hair and claw-like nails. Her face is cloaked in shadows.

She placed her hand in mine and continued to lay on top of me and it didn’t feel good at all. It felt like she was displaying control of me. I tried to raise my hand to shoo her away but I couldn’t move. I tried to yell at her but I couldn’t speak.

This whole thing felt malicious in some way.

Finally I jolted myself up out of sleep and the shock of waking so abruptly left me feeling gaga and suffering from headache.

This not the first time I’ve encountered in a dream.

McDonald's - Love ko 'to

What comes to your mind when I say McDonald's?

INCEPTION

I'd started to learn how to realize I was dreaming several years ago to help when I had nightmares.

In my dreams when they were scary I started realizing it was a dream enough to stand and fight against whatever was scaring me.

Most of the time it was invisible entities but I could feel their presence and even as if the air where thicker or had an actual physicalness I could feel, touch and push against, etc.

After awhile I had less nightmares - it was only recently that I started realizing I had control durring any dream and I started to 'play' almost like in the Matrix.

I would fall asleep but still be aware. I suppose this is what they refer to as lucid dreaming. Anyway, once I was 'in' the dream state and realized it. It was almost as if I 'woke-up' and started running with it.

Wherever my dream - world popped me into...I don't have control over what I dream yet but can control it once I'm there and 'know' it.

It's a trip. I did feel a bit scared in my last dream because it was as if a real energy was in my dream and trying to communicate with me. It tried to scare me away but I kept moving toward it because I knew I was dreaming.

Then it appeared to me as a lady - and I thought, hmm. this could be fun and went with it as if I knew the person and was going to flirt but when I got closer and touched her I felt this crazy burning sensation in the pit of my stomach and felt really sick I woke up still kind of feeling that.

It was weird because I didn't get scared right away but I did feel like whatever had happened wasn't just all a dream but that something more 'real' had taken place through the dream.

I also have such vivid dreams, dreams that pick up from previous dreams or have 'familiar' aspects from past dreams as if it were another consistent reality and many times I've actually remembered dreams as if they were real memories - then had to step back and go - wait, that wasn't real - that was just one of the dreams I've had. It's weird.

And I have had times where my dreams do feel so real at the time my mind confuses them and I have to figure out - try to 'wake up' and see if it's a dream or not. But I often try to wake up in my dream and when I wake up - it's me waking up in the dream. So that's really bizarre. Because it feels the same as when I'm really trying to wake up from a dream in real life when I finally wake up. It reminds me of looking in two mirrors facing eachother where there's copies of the same scene over and over until you can't see them anymore. It's dreams within dreams.

I am so incredibly fascinated with dreams and what they are really about because of how vivid and real my dreams have always been.

It's hard to believe it's really just all in my head.

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FINDING BALANCE

Today I attempted to conjure the difference between solitude and isolation. I think many people confuse the two.

Solitude, as I perceive it, is the tranquility and peace of a place and time that allows a sense of tolerance, patience and a connection with the beings and things present there. In my experience, one does not have to be alone to experience solitude and the experience can actually be enhanced if two people can actually share the solitude. They connect with each other. I suppose it is even possible tor groups to share solitude.

Isolation, as I perceive it, is the best one word definition of loneliness. Solitude becomes this when the connection is lost. Isolation too, can be enhanced by the presence of another and the chasm grows.

I am only lonely, intensely lonely, when I lose connection. When I lose connection to the place I am and to the objects and beings around me. To the wind and the sun and the stars and the night. To the creatures and people making their way though their journey and to myself.

For me, solitude is the antidote to loneliness and I crave it.

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Depends When You Catch Me

Sometimes I just don't know. 

Other times I just don't know.  What I do know is, the more I know, the more there is to know, and the more I know, the less happy I am. 

So, ultimately I just don't know all the time, I suppose, and I don't know most of the time, and when I don't know regarding the things I don't know, I tend to be happiest. 

You know?

All I Want For Christmas

The holiday season is drawing near and giving gifts is an honored tradition that is why I am participating in this blog event of Prinsesa Musang's - All I Want For Christmas, an exchange gift swap between bloggers.

And I just want to add something on b/m list - Something naughty: Thong

Something small: The Confession by John Grisham

Something big: Jansport Backpack ( Right Pack TRC8E )

Something cute: Coin Purse

Something soft: Pillow

Something techie: MacBook Air

Something fancy: Personalized Dog Tag ( gaya-gaya lang kay The Scud )

Something (blue): GAP or Old Navy Shirt

Something wearable: Baseball Cap

Something you need: A Pair of Sandals

Something you can use for work: Starbucks Tumbler

Something sweet: Royce Chocolate

All I Want For Christmas: A 2 week Trip To Europe For Two! = )

Dear Me

BOO

Did I scare you?

Hahaha... Don't be frightened! It's only me! Or you! Or us! Or whatever!

So, I hope you're not dead. That would be kinda creepy, yeah? Dude, if you're a ghost you TOTALLY gotta find a way to tell me, aight?

Peace


- A Letter To My Future Self






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This World Is Full of Trouble Makers

People are generally mean and egotistical. They have very little concern about other people’s worries. People tend get happy over other people’s misfortune simply because they have become too hopeless themselves. Thinking about other people’s problems is their sole objective.

In other words we live by making others unhappy. This is the basic problem with the society. There is so much greed and corruption and an honest man has to struggle. People are vicious and they think themselves to be over clever. Being over clever is just a statement that they are obsessed with.

Where I live people tend to copy each other and do stupid things that they belief are quiet amusing. Ridiculing others is a part of their life. Nothing good can ever come out of this baseless culture. That has strange norms and traditions.

It’s a man eat a man world. In order to succeed you need to step on the throats of other men and reach your destination. Kindness is little seen or heard.

People have a tendency to hurt others. In fact they make every effort to humiliate other fellow human beings. I mean what’s the point in bothering another person? Grow up, purposeless trouble makers.

It’s time you need to change things. People are getting aware of the fact that bullying won’t work. Even messing up with other people’s life won’t work.

Someday you have to pay back for your evil deeds and that payment can be heavy on your budget.

Video Scandal

See my first ever video scandal here.

BABY STEPS

Certain events in the life of a friend and Nyl's latest blogpost -- have forced me to re-think the relationship I have with my father. My Dad and I are never close, not due to neglect or abuse or a poor upbringing.
On the contrary, my formative years and childhood was spent in relative comfort with much love and support from both of my parents.

However, as I grew up and the issues of depression and anti-social behavior began to manifest themselves in me, I started to isolate myself more and more from my family.

What didn't help was how different my Dad and I are from each other. He is much more like my brother-like sisters. He is very much a blue collar guy, likes to have fun, drink, smoke and most things I was not. I always felt like he was disappointed in me, even though he never said so and much of it was probably in my own head. It is always awkward for us to be alone together, never really saying anything to each other, just sitting in silence. We hardly ever talk about anything when we do manage, and then it's only small talk like the weather and the local sports team.

Realizing that people that you never really connected to could be gone in an instant, leaving you with no opportunity to ever fix things, prodded me to see if I could mend the awkward relationship with my Dad.

It is never too late though.

So I got up the courage, picked up the phone and called him tonight. I knew that nothing would be completely fixed with one phone call, and I didn't even intend to have a deep heart to heart anyway. I just called with the intention of saying Hi and seeing how he was doing. I figured that if I can start doing that more, the ice could be broken and subsequent conversations would follow.

I kept it light, but the important point was that I called. We talked for about 15 minutes and he did seem genuinely surprise yet pleased that I called talk to him and not just my Mom which I what usually happens.

I got over the hump, picked up the phone and started my small baby steps in that area.

I really want this to bear fruit, but I know that it will be slow going, mainly because of my own hang ups about opening up to people, even with my family.

Selfish

...as of right now the title speaks for itself.

Wish

I don't wish.

Wishing tends to be empty and void of action.

People say, "I wish I had a better job." but that person rarely does something to manifest the job.

Wishing is dangerously seductive because many think they are doing something like goal setting by wishing.

Intending is much more proactive than wishing.

So, I intend.





Photo taken here.

Breakaway

"It's never too late to start life over again and make the change."

Coffin Dream

I Think. Because of my previous post. I had weird dreams last night. 

There was a black box made of wood, around 4x4 meters, being lifted by men into my grandfather's house.

I recognized the box as the stage that was used for the play in which I played as a deep penetration agent/boxer who was caught and tortured by NPA comrades.

The box transformed into a coffin. My nieces and nephews began to gather around it.

Seeing their innocent faces, I felt my throat tightened.

Then I gasped for breath as I saw myself lying in the the coffin.

I woke up sobbing.