Wednesday, October 27, 2010

McDonald's - Love ko 'to

What comes to your mind when I say McDonald's?

Monday, October 25, 2010


I'd started to learn how to realize I was dreaming several years ago to help when I had nightmares.

In my dreams when they were scary I started realizing it was a dream enough to stand and fight against whatever was scaring me.

Most of the time it was invisible entities but I could feel their presence and even as if the air where thicker or had an actual physicalness I could feel, touch and push against, etc.

After awhile I had less nightmares - it was only recently that I started realizing I had control durring any dream and I started to 'play' almost like in the Matrix.

I would fall asleep but still be aware. I suppose this is what they refer to as lucid dreaming. Anyway, once I was 'in' the dream state and realized it. It was almost as if I 'woke-up' and started running with it.

Wherever my dream - world popped me into...I don't have control over what I dream yet but can control it once I'm there and 'know' it.

It's a trip. I did feel a bit scared in my last dream because it was as if a real energy was in my dream and trying to communicate with me. It tried to scare me away but I kept moving toward it because I knew I was dreaming.

Then it appeared to me as a lady - and I thought, hmm. this could be fun and went with it as if I knew the person and was going to flirt but when I got closer and touched her I felt this crazy burning sensation in the pit of my stomach and felt really sick I woke up still kind of feeling that.

It was weird because I didn't get scared right away but I did feel like whatever had happened wasn't just all a dream but that something more 'real' had taken place through the dream.

I also have such vivid dreams, dreams that pick up from previous dreams or have 'familiar' aspects from past dreams as if it were another consistent reality and many times I've actually remembered dreams as if they were real memories - then had to step back and go - wait, that wasn't real - that was just one of the dreams I've had. It's weird.

And I have had times where my dreams do feel so real at the time my mind confuses them and I have to figure out - try to 'wake up' and see if it's a dream or not. But I often try to wake up in my dream and when I wake up - it's me waking up in the dream. So that's really bizarre. Because it feels the same as when I'm really trying to wake up from a dream in real life when I finally wake up. It reminds me of looking in two mirrors facing eachother where there's copies of the same scene over and over until you can't see them anymore. It's dreams within dreams.

I am so incredibly fascinated with dreams and what they are really about because of how vivid and real my dreams have always been.

It's hard to believe it's really just all in my head.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Sunday, October 24, 2010


Today I attempted to conjure the difference between solitude and isolation. I think many people confuse the two.

Solitude, as I perceive it, is the tranquility and peace of a place and time that allows a sense of tolerance, patience and a connection with the beings and things present there. In my experience, one does not have to be alone to experience solitude and the experience can actually be enhanced if two people can actually share the solitude. They connect with each other. I suppose it is even possible tor groups to share solitude.

Isolation, as I perceive it, is the best one word definition of loneliness. Solitude becomes this when the connection is lost. Isolation too, can be enhanced by the presence of another and the chasm grows.

I am only lonely, intensely lonely, when I lose connection. When I lose connection to the place I am and to the objects and beings around me. To the wind and the sun and the stars and the night. To the creatures and people making their way though their journey and to myself.

For me, solitude is the antidote to loneliness and I crave it.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Friday, October 22, 2010

Depends When You Catch Me

Sometimes I just don't know. 

Other times I just don't know.  What I do know is, the more I know, the more there is to know, and the more I know, the less happy I am. 

So, ultimately I just don't know all the time, I suppose, and I don't know most of the time, and when I don't know regarding the things I don't know, I tend to be happiest. 

You know?

All I Want For Christmas

The holiday season is drawing near and giving gifts is an honored tradition that is why I am participating in this blog event of Prinsesa Musang's - All I Want For Christmas, an exchange gift swap between bloggers.

And I just want to add something on b/m list - Something naughty: Thong

Something small: The Confession by John Grisham

Something big: Jansport Backpack ( Right Pack TRC8E )

Something cute: Coin Purse

Something soft: Pillow

Something techie: MacBook Air

Something fancy: Personalized Dog Tag ( gaya-gaya lang kay The Scud )

Something (blue): GAP or Old Navy Shirt

Something wearable: Baseball Cap

Something you need: A Pair of Sandals

Something you can use for work: Starbucks Tumbler

Something sweet: Royce Chocolate

All I Want For Christmas: A 2 week Trip To Europe For Two! = )

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Dear Me


Did I scare you?

Hahaha... Don't be frightened! It's only me! Or you! Or us! Or whatever!

So, I hope you're not dead. That would be kinda creepy, yeah? Dude, if you're a ghost you TOTALLY gotta find a way to tell me, aight?


- A Letter To My Future Self

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Monday, October 18, 2010

This World Is Full of Trouble Makers

People are generally mean and egotistical. They have very little concern about other people’s worries. People tend get happy over other people’s misfortune simply because they have become too hopeless themselves. Thinking about other people’s problems is their sole objective.

In other words we live by making others unhappy. This is the basic problem with the society. There is so much greed and corruption and an honest man has to struggle. People are vicious and they think themselves to be over clever. Being over clever is just a statement that they are obsessed with.

Where I live people tend to copy each other and do stupid things that they belief are quiet amusing. Ridiculing others is a part of their life. Nothing good can ever come out of this baseless culture. That has strange norms and traditions.

It’s a man eat a man world. In order to succeed you need to step on the throats of other men and reach your destination. Kindness is little seen or heard.

People have a tendency to hurt others. In fact they make every effort to humiliate other fellow human beings. I mean what’s the point in bothering another person? Grow up, purposeless trouble makers.

It’s time you need to change things. People are getting aware of the fact that bullying won’t work. Even messing up with other people’s life won’t work.

Someday you have to pay back for your evil deeds and that payment can be heavy on your budget.

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Thursday, October 14, 2010


Certain events in the life of a friend and Nyl's latest blogpost -- have forced me to re-think the relationship I have with my father. My Dad and I are never close, not due to neglect or abuse or a poor upbringing.
On the contrary, my formative years and childhood was spent in relative comfort with much love and support from both of my parents.

However, as I grew up and the issues of depression and anti-social behavior began to manifest themselves in me, I started to isolate myself more and more from my family.

What didn't help was how different my Dad and I are from each other. He is much more like my brother-like sisters. He is very much a blue collar guy, likes to have fun, drink, smoke and most things I was not. I always felt like he was disappointed in me, even though he never said so and much of it was probably in my own head. It is always awkward for us to be alone together, never really saying anything to each other, just sitting in silence. We hardly ever talk about anything when we do manage, and then it's only small talk like the weather and the local sports team.

Realizing that people that you never really connected to could be gone in an instant, leaving you with no opportunity to ever fix things, prodded me to see if I could mend the awkward relationship with my Dad.

It is never too late though.

So I got up the courage, picked up the phone and called him tonight. I knew that nothing would be completely fixed with one phone call, and I didn't even intend to have a deep heart to heart anyway. I just called with the intention of saying Hi and seeing how he was doing. I figured that if I can start doing that more, the ice could be broken and subsequent conversations would follow.

I kept it light, but the important point was that I called. We talked for about 15 minutes and he did seem genuinely surprise yet pleased that I called talk to him and not just my Mom which I what usually happens.

I got over the hump, picked up the phone and started my small baby steps in that area.

I really want this to bear fruit, but I know that it will be slow going, mainly because of my own hang ups about opening up to people, even with my family.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Monday, October 11, 2010


I don't wish.

Wishing tends to be empty and void of action.

People say, "I wish I had a better job." but that person rarely does something to manifest the job.

Wishing is dangerously seductive because many think they are doing something like goal setting by wishing.

Intending is much more proactive than wishing.

So, I intend.

Photo taken here.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010


"It's never too late to start life over again and make the change."

Monday, October 4, 2010

Coffin Dream

I Think. Because of my previous post. I had weird dreams last night. 

There was a black box made of wood, around 4x4 meters, being lifted by men into my grandfather's house.

I recognized the box as the stage that was used for the play in which I played as a deep penetration agent/boxer who was caught and tortured by NPA comrades.

The box transformed into a coffin. My nieces and nephews began to gather around it.

Seeing their innocent faces, I felt my throat tightened.

Then I gasped for breath as I saw myself lying in the the coffin.

I woke up sobbing.