Thursday, October 14, 2010

BABY STEPS

Certain events in the life of a friend and Nyl's latest blogpost -- have forced me to re-think the relationship I have with my father. My Dad and I are never close, not due to neglect or abuse or a poor upbringing.
On the contrary, my formative years and childhood was spent in relative comfort with much love and support from both of my parents.

However, as I grew up and the issues of depression and anti-social behavior began to manifest themselves in me, I started to isolate myself more and more from my family.

What didn't help was how different my Dad and I are from each other. He is much more like my brother-like sisters. He is very much a blue collar guy, likes to have fun, drink, smoke and most things I was not. I always felt like he was disappointed in me, even though he never said so and much of it was probably in my own head. It is always awkward for us to be alone together, never really saying anything to each other, just sitting in silence. We hardly ever talk about anything when we do manage, and then it's only small talk like the weather and the local sports team.

Realizing that people that you never really connected to could be gone in an instant, leaving you with no opportunity to ever fix things, prodded me to see if I could mend the awkward relationship with my Dad.

It is never too late though.

So I got up the courage, picked up the phone and called him tonight. I knew that nothing would be completely fixed with one phone call, and I didn't even intend to have a deep heart to heart anyway. I just called with the intention of saying Hi and seeing how he was doing. I figured that if I can start doing that more, the ice could be broken and subsequent conversations would follow.

I kept it light, but the important point was that I called. We talked for about 15 minutes and he did seem genuinely surprise yet pleased that I called talk to him and not just my Mom which I what usually happens.

I got over the hump, picked up the phone and started my small baby steps in that area.

I really want this to bear fruit, but I know that it will be slow going, mainly because of my own hang ups about opening up to people, even with my family.

26 comments:

  1. Hey... I'm proud of you for taking that step. Small steps do make huge changes in the future so I'm wishing you all the best. Hugs!

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  2. Good for you. I wasn't close to my Dad as well. He spent most of his time abroad, and when he came back, we would usually clash. I didn't even like the way he'd treat my Mom at times...

    Then unexpectedly, he passed away due to cardiac arrest... He was sleeping...

    So don't be like me. Spend more time with him. Try to resolve conflicts between the two of you. Don't wait until it's too late.

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  3. nice blog.. have a view of my blog when free.. http://www.lonelyreload.blogspot.com .. do leave me some comment / guide if can.. if interested can follow my blog...

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  4. hey, congraulations! :) good job.

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  5. i call this a breakthrough... congrats! :)

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  6. i call this a breakthrough... congrats! :)

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  7. wow... gaing.... clap clap.... congrats sayo :D

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  8. If only my dad was still around, I'd hang out with him as much as I can.

    Goodluck with the mending.

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  9. asteeg. \m/

    ako kainuman ko tatay ko. kasama ko nagkukumpuni ng mga sira sa bahay. kasama ko bumibili ng gamit sa pick-up. tumitingin ng kung ano maganda sa bahay namin. nagpapasama ko pag may kukunin akong aso(breeder kase ko). pero di ko alam kung close kame. wapax.

    mapa tatay o nanay. kelangan may constant communication kayo.

    ako bilang ofw, naging close ko kahit mga pinsan ko. kakulitan ko sa fb. pag asa pinas ako, kainuman kahit walang okasyon.

    pati mga tito/tita ko. lagi ko dinadalaw pag nauwe ako pinas.

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  10. Reconciliations are always good. Good luck. =)

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  11. this baby steps will be your stepping stone to a better relationship with your dad. good job. :)

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  12. I was like you before... just continue doing it and you'll be surprised you're already there... Surely, there will still be few arguments (age gaps) but no worries...It will all be worth it! *wink*

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  13. sweet..nice job!buti naman ok na kayo..^^

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  14. I can relate so much. My dad and I haven't really been close, and I absolutely have no idea why. I admire your courage to overcome your pride and call him. :)

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  15. I know exactly what this is like ...been conflicted with my relationship with my dad forever but still weekly call him and let him know that inspite of our differences of who I am, I still love him and care about him...it is hard but worth it in the long term

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  16. good job ahmer. let's take those baby steps together. it's never too late to communicate with our dads. so that in the end, we have minute things to regret.

    you'll be surprised too eventually with what you started and learn how cool your dad is. :)

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  17. It's a very good start! I have a feeling na though he may not always show it, he knows what you're trying to do. 15 minutes ngayon, 1 hour tomorrow until finally, you got your daddy back.

    I love what you did here. I'm always all for blog posts intertwining. I guess I'd like to believe we're more than our online handles. You've made this big lonely world of the blogosphere a little warmer. :)

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  18. nyay binasa ko ulit tong post ko. dami mali maling grammar. haha
    kakahiya : D

    anyway, salamat sa komento.

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  19. Niiice may gap pala kayo ng tatay mo... kami rin pero hindi ko pa magawa yang baby steps. Ipagdadasal ko na lang muna hihihi

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  20. continue doing it..kakatuwa ka naman! ako wala na yung tatay na pwedeng bawian..kaya kakalungkot...nahuli ang lahat!

    btw..nasa Denmark ka ba ngayon? isang tambling ka lang mula dito sa amin,hihihi

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  21. i proud you for doing what. it's always better to do something, than regret later on. magsisimula yan sa mga maliliit na bagay, and hopefully, once you get to talk in length na in the future, mapag-uusapan nyo na din yang mga excess baggage at hang-ups na yan.

    goodluck ahmer. :)

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  22. always remember that great things start from small beginning. so continue stepping forward.

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  23. at least you took the courage to talk and make up with your dad.

    God Bless!

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  24. family matters
    if all else fails, sila hindi
    kaya good for you

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