Monday, July 17, 2017

S I N G L E

Enough about books, let's talk about me, something personal, about singleness.

I wonder if I am meant to be with someone I can share the rest of my life with. I kept myself busy with work-reading-exercise. I forgot to date even though someone asks me to. I become oblivious of the fact that I desperately need someone to hold hands with. I can’t remember the last time I kissed or have been kissed. Charrot! My mother constantly urge me to have a baby or to get married, though she knows what my preference is. She has never really dealt with or spoken about my sexuality.

How can I tell them that my chance of getting married is hanging at the edge of a cliff?

Later I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, and those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love, well, that’s just fabulous. Thank you for that quote, Carrie!

However, part of me has always felt that life has no real meaning until you get to share it with somebody. Maybe that’s what I’m afraid of: my life finally taking meaning or suddenly becoming void of it.

Maybe I’ll share my life with somebody… maybe not.

But the truth is when I think back of my loneliest moments, there was usually somebody sitting there next to me.

Why you are so elusive?

Saturday, July 15, 2017

K A L A N I T H I

Paul Kalanithi’s When Breath Becomes Air was possibly one of the most profound and heart-breaking autobiographies I have read.

Talking about death, reading about dying, writing about it, is not easy.  As a doctor, Paul Kalanithi was confronted with death constantly, and reading his narrative history are jarring; the cases he’s dealt with are at times disturbing. The man is a saint for doing what he did for so many years. He’s the doctor you’d wish you could have when, or if, you need it.

Through this book Paul Kalanithi proves that he is more than just a talented surgeon. He is an exceptionally talented writer. His words are deep, philosophical, and penetrating, showing the world from his perspective in a way that is full of honesty and perplexity. He spent his life searching for a deeper meaning, both figuratively and literally, through the study of scripture and literature and the study and practice of medicine.

“I was driven less by achievement than by trying to understand, in earnest: What makes human life meaningful? I still felt literature provided the best account of the life of the mind, while neuroscience laid down the most elegant rules of the brain” 

This is a powerful and moving book but is not for the squeamish. He writes reliably about his time as a medical student, and later as a neurosurgeon. He tells about the first cadaver he ever worked on, the studying of organs. He describes what was left inside the stomachs of those who died before their last meals, pills, were digested. He says that many medical students change their course of study by about their fourth year of medical school, would rather to work in lifestyle areas such as radiology. But Paul Kalanithi chose neurosurgery. 


Death is unavoidable, but when will we die?

With no way of knowing how much time he had left, Paul Kalanithi was at a loss for how to spend what very valuable time he had. His doctors had no way of providing him a solid time frame because it was impossible to determine how his cancer would change with various treatment plans. His wife Lucy had recently given birth to their daughter, who brought new life and happiness to their lives and the lives of their families.

Paul Kalanithi eventually spent his last days in writing. Once they learned that his cancer had spread to his brain, it was all a matter of writing as much as he could as fast as he could while he still kept the mental clarity to do so.

“This book carries the urgency of racing against time, of having important things to say. Paul confronted death – examined it, wrestled with it, accepted it – as a physician and a patient. He wanted to help people understand death and face their mortality. Dying in one’s fourth decade is unusual now, but dying is not”

Death is not, in fact, unusual. It is the abruptness of being faced with it when we least expect it that is hardest to understand. And yet, Paul Kalanithi faced his death with strength.

Paul Kalanithi has given so much of himself in this book, he’s encouraged us to live meaningfully, and that we can effectively conquer the fear of death. There is nothing that can surmise this memoir better than his words himself.



Read More Reviews:

My Name is Lucy Barton - Elizabeth Strout
My Sister's Keeper - Jodi Picoult
American Gods - Neil Gaiman
House Rules - Jodi Picoult

Thursday, July 13, 2017

L U C Y _ B A R T O N

I just finished reading My Name is Lucy Barton by Elizabeth Strout – yesterday, which had only taken me about three hours ( I am not a skimmer, but a careful reader). Second book for this month – July.

I think My Name is Lucy Barton is not a novel  –  that was short, but rather a short story that was long. I was like wish-there-was-more-story-to-tell, but Elizabeth Strout creates a unified story – about love: about the complicated, complex love between a mother-daughter relationship. Sparse, grows on one as you read, but it is perfect for Lucy, who struggles to speak the unspeakable, both aloud and in her writing.

Lonely was the first flavor I had tasted in my life, and it was always there, hidden inside the crevices of my mouth, reminding me.

Lucy carries a deep loneliness throughout life. A loneliness that stems from a childhood in a home where poverty was so fundamental that it overshadowed both love and goodness.

Can you call such a family dysfunctional?

The extent to which one can give their children a safe and loving childhood – full of joy – when the threat of hunger and homelessness are banging on the door every night?

To what extent affect our childhood, our choices later in life?

Brilliant storytelling. Lucy delivers a personal and refreshing narration. The language is beautiful. The story is infused with suggestive and aptly remarks about life and the relationship between humans themselves.

I have mixed emotions in recommending this book. I don’t know.

Tuesday, July 11, 2017

M Y _ S I S T E R ' S _ K E E P E R

I think cancer has affected us all – one way or another.

My mother is a cancer survivor. My father was diagnosed with liver cancer in 2013. We took him to treatment but he was at stage 4, so it was nearly impossible to get rid of the cancer. My father died December 12th 2014. He was 65.

I'll never forget that day. I basically saw my father take his last breath in front of me, holding his right hand and within seconds, he was gone. He died in his own bed, I was sitting beside him – alone. Watching someone you love suffer – die is not just painful. It takes everything out of you.  I thought My Sister’s Keeper by Jodi Picoult would be an interesting book that I could connect to personally.

Intense. My Sister’s Keeper is a poignant, thought-provoking, heart breaking and a compelling story about the Fitzgerald’s family. Kate has been diagnosed with leukemia at a young age. Her younger sister, Anna, was designed to be a perfect genetic match for Kate, and has been through numerous medical procedures as Kate’s donor to keep her alive. The story kicks off with a nice dramatic lawsuit, in which Anna files for medical emancipation against her parents.

No, I won’t spoil the whole story or the ending for you.

I’m flabbergasted with how this book is written. I feel a stirring of curiosity and I literally can't put it down! I've been reading it every spare second I have! Most of the chapters have a cliffhanger-ending, which makes me want to continue to read and read. It conveys the emotions of any family dealing with cancer, which is something I can simply relate to, which makes it even more interesting for me.

All the characters in the book are doing some soul-searching. Jodi Picoult has allowed the reader to read the six main character’s thoughts and feelings about every situation and predicament that comes their way.

One of my favorite characters was Jesse – wanting to live his own life – away from family drama. I adored his happy-go-lucky-troubled, I-don’t-care-if-I-get-in-trouble attitude. Although Jesse didn’t follow the right road in life, still, he cared deeply for his two sisters.

I also enjoyed the character of Campbell, the lawyer Anna hires. There was a great sense of mystery – intriguingly as he never told the real reason why he has a service dog. Plus, his relationship with Julia gave him more depth as a character.

At the end of the book, you realize that in life; there are no easy choices, or even right answers. There isn’t one person who can be judged for what they think is moral or ethical, or even justifiable. Sometimes you don’t know what the right thing is but as a mother, as a doctor and even as a sibling, you do what you think is right for you and for everyone else.

Through this novel, Jodi Picoult was not only able to capture all the emotions experienced by the characters but it speaks deep truths about life, family and selfless love.

Sunday, July 2, 2017

A M E R I C A N _ G O D S

Neil Gaiman's American Gods This is one of those books that you simply cannot read in one sitting; there’s simply too many layers to take in, to think over, to enjoy it to the full.

It took me two months, almost, of reading to finally complete the book, not because I found anything undesirable, but because there was this assumption that somewhere, hidden in those pages, all the secrets of the universe waited to be discovered.

I know. It’s senseless to think a fictional tale about gods would hold the answers to everything, but that’s exactly how it felt at times. The work of a master wordsmith or… maybe the work of a guardian who holds the universe’s mysteries?

It’s hard to separate the two ideas when it comes to the author. Then again, perhaps the two ideas aren’t mutually exclusive.

This book, which traces on a variety of subjects, is possibly one of the greatest literary work of art of the modern era. It is relevant, contemporary, somewhat relatable, and it delves into the human mind on more than one occasion.

Yes, some may find the work difficult to understand, or struggle to see past the religious figures who grace the pages of American Gods, but there is something incredibly important about the story.

But American Gods isn’t for everyone. I guess.

Over all, it's an EPIC novel.

And I am so excited to watch the TV series adaptation of the book.

Wednesday, June 28, 2017

D E A R _ A M R ,

I know, I know how much life sucks right now.

Don’t overthink it. If it seems wrong, runaway. Your gut is usually right.
Except when it comes to sweets. Maybe resist some of those.

Promise to treasure your time.  Don’t fall in love with potential.

Don’t get too attached. They always leave eventually.
Don't force someone to make time for you. If they really want to, they will.
Don't waste your time with someone who only wants you around when it's convenient for them.

Know your self-worth, and move on if you must.

Remember that just because you want it, doesn’t mean it deserves to have you.
Be patient, but don’t procrastinate. Be hopeful, but not naive.
When it’s right, you’ll know. You don’t have to force it.

You are wonderful, strong, loved, smart and special. Always remember that.

I know things get tough, and I know you’re capable of so many great things.
I just hope you took the leap to get there.
I hope you still love yourself.
But most importantly, I hope you’re happy.

I know it sounds cliche. I just thought I would remind you.

Love,
AMR

Monday, June 5, 2017

What People See, and What They Don’t

People see what they want to see
and are blind to what they don’t.
Often I think what makes us men
is the capacity to make shallow judgments
without cognitive basis,
without ethics.

People hear what they think should be heard
and are deaf to opposing thoughts,
It is this trait that makes us cannibals,
to each others’ flesh.
without choice cuts,
without concern.

People touch only what they think they can,
and are abhorred by those they can’t.
I believe this makes us civilized.
calling those that conform
normal, and those that aren’t as ab-,
without consideration,
without fail.

Thursday, June 1, 2017

B O O K S

It started with a text message two days before. A message asking for them to meet. They’ve been communicating electronically for 2 years now and they’ve swapped pictures, but they really haven’t met yet. Unknowingly, they’ve become the best of friends. Subconsciously, they had sealed their fates.

But it didn’t actually start until he decided to bring the book somewhere else. His reviewer for an exam by the next day. He didn’t really want to go. He just couldn’t stay at home. The book- that reviewer, would be useless there.

So there he was, sporting his jacket, seemingly sufficient to protect him from the razing cold, but it didn’t. He knew that all parts of him were cold. Nothing at that point gave him warmth. Not even the prospect of the long-delayed meet up with his friend. He looked at his watch, 12:50 am.

In fact, he wasn’t at all interested. Had it been a different day, a different time, a different phase, this meet up would have been met with enthusiasm. A couple of months earlier, or a couple of months later, it’d have been perfect. Now was not the time. It’s not even because of the exams.

While waiting at the side of the road – backpack snugly fit behind, slung only by one shoulder – he fidgeted with his phone, the one snugly fit in his pants. With a deep sigh, he thrust his left hand inside the left pocket and pulled out his mobile.

With a disappointed smug, he found it blinking. His friend was calling. He cancelled the call and put the phone back inside his pocket.

Books, as we’ll call the guy for now, looked around him. On his side of the road, no one was visible. Aside from the parked vehicles and the stray cats, it seemed he was alone. On the other side however, people were there. He laughed. Maybe it is true that the grass is greener on the other side, books thought.

In that respect, books’ friends considered him weird. He always thought of the damndest ideas, the most unlikely of possibilities. Like the time he tried to use cooking oil as a form of sunblock. Or when he agreed to stick with his partner, who had another guy, and decided to just arrange it as a three-way.

Books cupped his right jeans pocket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. Inside it he took a stick and a lighter. He placed the crumpled up filter end and cupped his left hand around the lighter’s mouth. He flicked his lighter. As he pressed the yellow flame to the end of his cigarette, the flame died.

He tried again. “Fuck!”

The very first word we’ve heard books say.

“Fuck!” he says again, after giving it another unsuccessful try.

And another.

And another.

As he took the cigarette from his lips, he made a sharp inhale of air. The filter end accidentally stuck to his dry chapped lips. He crumpled the cigarette and threw it to the ground. He placed the lighter back inside the cigarette pack, and replaced the pack back to his right pocket.

He noticed that the number of passing cars had been thinning down. He glanced at his watch, 01:20 am. Enuf, he said in his mind. He’ll just deal with the house. Stay at home. Even if he won’t be able to review tonight back there.


Tuesday, May 23, 2017

Q U I C K S A N D

You try so hard to resist the force that keeps on pulling you down. You grab on to things that you think are strong enough to let you hold on. You attempt to pull these things, hoping that they are really firm enough to pull you out from the quicksand. But they are not, apparently. Some choose to fly away and rest beside other quicksand. Some tend to get sucked by the quicksand too, realizing that holding on for a long time was worthless. Some crawl away from your grasp, and watch you from a distance. You finally realize that there's nothing to hold on anymore. You watch yourself sink slowly into the darkness.

Sometimes, you are able to emerge from it. You use all the strength you have to push out all the sand surrounding you. You see some sunlight and for a moment, there was some hope that burned inside you. You immediately reach for that light, knowing that what's behind it is much better than where you are. But the light is too elusive. The more you reach out, the farther it gets. And again, you become tired, your energy is drained. You stop reaching for it and you watch yourself sink slowly into nothingness.

Whenever you feel that you need to get out from it, you think of all the things you used to have. These things were the reasons why you have become yourself. These things made you sane. They have molded you into someone and they have helped you live a life that's full of vibrant colors and happy harmony. These things, unfortunately, were also the reasons why you are stuck in a vacuum. You shouldn’t have thought of these things in the first place. They only remind you of the pain. And when you think the quicksand cannot pull you any deeper, it grips you inside and starts to pull some more, like a roller coaster ride that only goes down.

It is not a happy place. You get that. And how you wish you could return to that life you had. But when you endure all the agony in this quicksand every day of your existence, you learn that there is no going back. The future will never be bright. The past will always be a dark and painful reminder that you have made mistakes, bad mistakes that could never be forgiven. You are stuck in the present. A gloomy and repressive state that eats up every bit of positivity inside you. You are not you anymore.

You wish you held on to those things beside the quicksand. You wish they never left you. You wish they helped you. But wishes do not come true in quicksand. You are doomed.

Friday, May 19, 2017

M I R R O R

It's a familiar face, a similar scarred face that screams pain and anguish. You approach it slowly to empathize with its sorrow. You hear its silent cries and you immediately think of advices on love and life, and maybe even about the compound word that these two create. Yes, you feel like an expert so you think you are very reliable. As you finally reach for its face and try to comfort it, you realize that you are standing on front of a mirror holding your head.

You are dumbstruck and you can't help but stare at your reflection. After every battle won and lost, after every pain endured and tears cried, this is who you are now. You couldn't even recognize yourself anymore. But you never noticed this change. In fact, you even try to help other people. You help them pick up the pieces and find their way back to the right path. But all along, you didn't even have your own right path. You were just wandering, looking for people who are going through the same problems you had and trying to make up for your grief by helping them. Poor you.

Since you are the survivor, the one who went through hell and is still alive and kicking, you feel that you have an obligation to share your wisdom to other unfortunate souls. You inspire them and give them their daily dose of hope, love, faith, trust and all that shit. You become someone else's healer. And you feel good. Actually, you've never been better. Until you finally see your reflection. All of a sudden, you break down.

You become helpless . Fortunately, the ones you helped are now returning the favor. They try to pull you up from the quicksand, making you feel that there is still hope and it will all get better in time. But you cannot stand looking at that reflection. You can't even look at those people who are helping you now. You deceived them. You made them think that you really are strong and you have endured all the struggles you've been through. No. You were slowly rotting inside, and you are just afraid to admit it. You pull your arms from their grip and you let yourself be sucked into an empty vacuum of darkness.

The mirror shatters into pieces. Your reflection will always be the same. Unless you decide to emerge from that blackhole and create a new image.

Thursday, May 11, 2017

W A L K A W A Y

He cried. He is crying. He will cry.

Talking to himself during stressful moments became helpful. He would always recite his mantra to help him soothe his mood. "I am my own captain. I am my own captain." He also shared his thoughts with his pillows, who were so sympathetic that they let him punch them when he couldn't control his anger anymore. All of a sudden, he was alone in the world. And all the things he used to know, all the things he used to have, are now walking away from him. Those ungrateful things never looked back. They just walked away. 

He never wanted to be alone. It was like suicide to live his complicated life with only himself and lifeless plump pillows to talk to. He used to be the happiest person in the world, laughing over simple things and smiling every time he wakes up. He used to have that unique glow that was very contagious and he made everyone so cheerful. But now he was enveloped with gloom, sulking inside his room whenever he is idle. His world seemed to stop revolving, as if his orbit had a clot and he didn't know where to go anymore.

He told himself that it will all get better in time. Yes, he will wait for fresh wounds to heal again. And he will wait for his world to find a new orbit, a new solar system, a new galaxy. Will the things walk back to him again? He didn't care. He will wait for new things to come. And he will embrace these things with open arms. He will embrace them tight enough to keep them secure but loose enough for them to have their own space to grow. And if time comes that these new things wanted to walk away too, he was now ready to let go. There may be wounds, but old scars will make him stronger.

Tuesday, May 2, 2017

M E M A

Today highlights on life's full circles: sometimes you end up right at that spot where you started.

How and why it all happened will perhaps remain to be a mystery, but the journey of "getting there" can only encourage us to press on, or just simply give up in defeat.

Life's choices is like the caveat  where the "promo is valid only while supplies last". And it did not last long enough for me.

Maybe next time.

“But there is suffering in life, and there are defeats. No one can avoid them. But it's better to lose some of the battles in the struggles for your dreams than to be defeated without ever knowing what you're fighting for...”

True, but I think I have lost for good, my trust and faith in the goodness of man.

Strong words, but time and again, I hit a bump on the road because of wanting to do good, and worse I get criticized and penalized because I did "wrong".

Some people think I am an idealist and difficult but I am human too capable of anger, hurt, rage, as much as they have their own imperfections too (which actually caused the anger, hurt, rage).

My time amidst the solitude of the mountains and the sky is long overdue.

A month in the forest might help.


Or do a run like Forrest Gump (minus the ugly beard after coming out of his hiatus).

Tuesday, April 25, 2017

6-2-3

Life is full of surprises
And yet, we never notice
Our minds fly clueless
Not all memories we can regress

Rare, it is to happen
To have a glimpse of bliss
Its lack of certainty I have proven
Our destiny is God-laden

The moment I saw your face
I long and hoped for a kiss
For at perfection, I have gazed
Sooner or later we would leave this place

The smile you wear is everlasting
Its daintiness I’d surely miss
There’s no more room for asking
Happiness, it would surely bring

All of these, I've said
because I'm sure how true it is
That those which are not expected
Would always leave us elated...

Like you.

Wednesday, April 19, 2017

S I K K A

Naglakad sya nang walang patutunguhan sa eskinitang madilim. Ang dingding ng eskinita ay magaspang, ang ibang parte ay may lumot, ang iba nama'y mga bakas ng mga papel na nkadikit dito dati. Hindi nya alam kung saan patungo ang eskinitang ito. Walang liwanag na naaaninag sa dulo nito. Wala ring ingay na naririnig sa paligid, mga yapak lamang ng kanyang paa at ang pagtibok ng puso nyang nag-aalinlangan. Sa kanyang paglingon, wala ring sumalubong sa kanyang paningin kundi kadiliman at kawalang pag-asa.

Habang dahan-dahan nyang tinatahak ang eskinita ay hinahaplos nya paminsan ang dingding. Kumaskas ang kanyang palad sa isang bahagi ng dingding na may mga nakausling bubog. Wala syang naramdamang sakit ngunit nang tingnan nya ang kanyang palad ay nakita nyang dumudugo ito. Napatigil sya sa paglalakad at tinitigan ang nagdudugong kamay. Pinisil nya ang palad at hinayaang tumulo ang dugo sa kanyang paa. Nang wala nang lumalabas ay pinahid nya na lang ang dugo sa kanyang damit.

Patuloy syang naglakad. May nakasalubong syang mga ipis at daga na tila iniiwasan sya. Sinubukan nyang apakan ang isang ipis at naramdaman nya talagang tumigil ito sa paggapang nang nakita ang anino ng paa nya. Parang pinaubaya na lang ng ipis sa paa ang kanyang kapalaran. Nang maapakan na ito nang tuluyan, tumalsik ang lamang-loob nito sa dagang noo'y kumakaripas ng takbo papalayo.
Wala syang naramdaman sa pag-apak nya ng ipis. Pinahid nya ang paa sa dingding para maalis ang mga natirang kalamnan ng ipis. Sa kanyang paglalakad, naramdaman nyang unti-unting umiinit ang sikat ng araw. Pinagpapawisan na sya nang maigi sa likod at mukha. Hinubad nya ang kanyang damit at pantalon at nakaramdam nang ginhawa. Ang pawis nya'y daliang natuyo at sya'y napangiti dahil dito.

Wala syang pakialam sa patutunguhan. Wala syang pakialam sa mga nkakasalubong. Wala syang pakialam kung ang eskinitang ito ay walang katapusan. Dahil sya ay hindi nakakaramdam ng sakit. At ang mga ipis, daga, at malamang kahit ano pang peste ay takot sa kanya. Hindi sya pinupuna nang kahit sino kahit sya'y naglalakad nang nakahubad. Ang panahon lamang ang kanyang kalaban ngunit madali na itong isipan ng solusyon.

Sa eskinitang ito, siya ay siya. Hindi nya alintana ang sinumang pipigil sa kanyang paglalakad. Masaya sana kung may kasabay syang maglakad, ngunit hindi rin sya magpapapigil sa kalungkutan ng pag-iisa. Siya ay patuloy na maglalakad, patuloy na gagawa ng kanyang landas.

Monday, April 10, 2017

1 3 _ R E A S O N S _ W H Y


#13ReasonsWhy Rape and suicide are heavy things for any TV series to tackle – and doubly so for any series that is aimed directly at teenagers. But, given the terrible toll that such crimes and tragedies continue to take on teenagers and the people around them, it can surely be argued that young people could benefit from being better informed about them.
  1. #13ReasonsWhy has 13 episodes and I just finished the whole season within the same day, as this is not a series one can easily let go.
  2. Thirteen Reasons Why is extremely tuff viewing at times.
  3. It has something to say about gender imbalances, the damaging power social media has over young people’s lives, and how behind every individuality or audacity is a fragile secret just waiting to be unearthed.
  4. I do have my share of bullying. Whether you're getting pushed around or someone spreads rumors and gossips about you, bullying is no fun at all.
  5. This series pointing out that we put attention on the wrong issues. We put blame in the wrong places. We put bandage on open wounds that aren’t healing and believe we have made a difference. We make suicide a social media thingy instead of figuring out how to stop it from actually happening.
  6. There’s something in this series that will have you remembering to your own unforgettable teenage days.
  7. Be aware and kind to people. You never know how big a part you play in their story.
  8. No matter how many people are around you or in your life, depression can still bring loneliness.
  9. Suicide should never be an option. Never.
  10. You are not alone.
  11. If you want to say something to someone, say it now. If you love someone, say it, say it loud before it’s too late.
  12. The final episode of the season leaves it open-ended in a way and made me think that a second season is definitely a possibility.
  13. This new TV series is worth a binge watch and offers many reasons to watch it.
See for yourself!

Monday, April 3, 2017

H O U S E _ R U L E S

My crush slash friend slash brother and soon-to-be recommends this book House Rules to read     to add some Jodi Picoult to my reading list. I just finished the book yesterday morning in total of 20-hours, of course not in one sitting. I make it a habit to read a few pages first thing in the morning, or read a chapter after lunch and at night before falling asleep.


So here's my thoughts about the book :

1.  Emotionally powerful from beginning to end, this novel looks at what it means to be different in our society, how a persons with disabilities affects a family, and how our legal system works well for people who communicate a certain way -- and fails those who don't.

2.  The book does have some great characterization because of its multiple perspectives and you do tend to get into the heads of the character.

3.  Cooking color-coded meals for an eighteen year old is the most cringe-worthy moment. I just can’t.

4.  Three rules that I cannot forget : Clean up your messes, Tell the truth and Take care of your brother.

5.  This was a great way to learn about Asperger's or  people with special needs if you don't know too much about it.

6.  Spoiler. The sexual and romantic relationship between Emma and Oliver.

7.  I remember my Mother in a character of Emma, a single parent who invests almost all of her time and energy trying to insure that her son has a chance to enjoy a fulfilling life.

8.  I almost did throw the book against the wall to get through the last few chapters.

9.  Power Rangers was mentioned in one chapter. Wala lang, Natuwa lang ako. He-he  :-)

10. Picoult used cliffhanger writing technique which the ending left you guessing about will happen, I don't know if she did the same thing to her other works but I love it. Stellar technique.


House Rules is tough to read at times     near to the end of the novel, I think it's good read and I highly recommend it.

In support for World Autism Awareness Month.

Wednesday, March 29, 2017

T H E _ C R O W N

I really loved this TV series, so much so that I established a personal record of binge watched hours in a row for an entire series. This is an addition to my Binge-watching list. Yes, I am serial watcher (pun intended). Here's why :


  1. Claire Foy appears perfectly comfortable in her role as The Queen.
  2. The wedding and coronation.
  3. The script and cinematography.
  4. Princess Margaret and Peter Townsend's forbidden love.
  5. The hatred of the members of this family is pure fuel for my interest to the royal family.
  6. Decision making between love and loyalty.
  7. It really is never too late to learn something new (Episode 7)
  8. Embrace , welcome every moment and take charge (Episode 8)
  9. The Crown is certainly worthy of a watch.
  10. I can’t wait for Season 2!

Tuesday, March 14, 2017

H A L O - H A L O

I'm just stressed over everything in my life.

I am so worried about everything.  

I just feel like I have so much on my shoulders.

I have come close to bursting out in tears a few times today.

I thought this would be a good place to talk.

I don't have many close friends where I live.

I don’t feel sharing it with my family.

I feel more comfortable sharing things here but not in detail though.

I just feel sad, depressed and worried.

I am totally stressed out.

Shit happens in life.

I want a halo-halo right now.

Sunday, March 12, 2017

W I N D O W _ S E A T

I love window seat.

I love sitting on a window seat or in any means of transport and even at home. I love to look out the window and see what is below me or thinking over something of something. Yes, I love to contemplate. Intriguingly, I feel the same when I am walking alone in the street. Whatever thing that creates an impression of you moving at a reasonable pace where you can feel the sense of motion makes me feel this way.

Why? I believe the motion reminds us an evanescent universe. Nothing in the world is permanent. That things change. As you move forward, you get a sense of outside world being left behind. Our mind instantaneously correlates this to memories or anything we have left behind.


Memories are melancholy and quixotic.

Although that moment in the past was not-so-special, whenever you would recall about it, you would see it as being happier … more contented than it actually was. This is why we crave things from the past. We miss things.  By surrendering to such a craving we can visit our past, and re-live feelings that may bring their own special healing moment.

From those memories, we bound on to our rational sojourns exploring the meaning of life as we realize that everything is impermanent.

On air travel particularly, looking at the vast open vistas makes us realize how small we are.

It’s all a matter of relativity.

I find this phrase 'walk away from' to be rather appropriate. You are displacing air, you are making a new situation and something is changing. The minute we sense that we involve ourselves in change, is sometimes extraordinarily powerful.

But you know what, one time I was sitting on the bus, I was experiencing these sentiments, mulling over life philosophy and what-not.

BUT.

The whole feeling, is a bit uncomfortable.


I realized that if I am sitting backwards to the motion of the bus. 

I feel I was left behind.

Thursday, March 9, 2017

A N I M E


How do I start this? Hmmm... I will make this as light and short as possible. Let's see if I can do that. Oh-kay! I am already 33 years old which I won't deny it. At this age? I am still a BIG fan of anime or any animated series/movies. An avid fan-fiction reader and an active participant in the world of fandom. YES that's the other side of ME aside from being EMO on this blog ...or maybe not?

ANIME is not a cartoon or just a typical show that induce laughter and always a happy ending. Then again it doesn’t always follow a general concept and doesn’t always have a happy ending. BUT teach us to know the value of life and appreciate it while we can. Sounds... EMO? I know right! Certainly we do get any lessons on life from watching it ...at least for me. Some lessons can be very nasty and fear-provoking while others help you build character and to strive forward.

Here’s a list of anime(s) that I have watched not so recently and you probably haven’t seen:

SPOILER COMBO ALERT!

BIG HERO 6
BIG HERO 6 – Of course! I have to say that this might be one of my favorite Disney films yet. Amidst the action, combating for justice, and in quest of revenge, I would be presented with raw emotion, loss, sheer happiness and seeing a little bit of myself within the scenes of the movie all the time I mean, this motion picture was outstandingly good, family-focused and stimulating. 

I cried. Yeah Seriously. Well I don’t have a “brother” and I’ve been longing to have one. Hiro faces a horrible loss. Loss of his brother. Perhaps you will face some kind of tragedy in your life and your friends will be what get you through it.  

Baymax – who need to be told he isn't needed anymore. Do you know how that feels to hear you are not needed and shutdown by someone you care about? 

Hiro wanted to use Baymax to destroy, but that was not what his brother created him for. He ends up doing what is right. I am glad he did. Doing the right thing will always feel you better. I love Baymax so much, I wish I can have one in my life. Someone who will take care of me. Charaught! I will post a separate entry all about Baymax. 

Close to the end of the movie, Hiro finds out who it was that caused his brother’s death and is given a chance to finish off his adversary to get even. Reasonably Hiro is angry and in pain and all he wants at this moment is to inflict that pain back on this man. Luckily, his friends arrive just in time to rescue both of them. They save the man out of harm’s way and they save Hiro from killing him. It’s a rather dark scene for a Disney movie, but the status quo for comic book storyline. It takes some compelling, but in the end, Hiro’s friends are able to get through to him that even if he was vindicated in killing the man, he wouldn’t feel any better. 

In fact, he would feel worse. This is where true friendship comes in. As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend (Proverbs 27:17) and sometimes saves lives.


THE GARDEN OF WORDS
THE GARDEN OF WORDS – Everything about this short film is a MASTERPIECE. From the plot to the main characters and every details of the animation worth a thousand words. The 46 minutes I'd feel at a loss for words. I was left speechless by watching the rain falls. A simple story of love with a lot of "hugot" that I can so relate.

The story is about two people, a troubled teenager and a young woman in an identity crisis. Their paths cross each other one rainy day in the garden. Despite age gap, they begin to see each other only when it rains and deepen their relationship. Well, Age doesn't really matter. Maturity's really matters in relationships. Oh I had three but failed relationships or I would say maybe it was good while it lasted. 

Segue, Here is one of my favorite line in this film "It's okay, we're human, after all. We've all got our little quirks" I am guilty of this one. Yeah, it’s okay to be wrong we are only human but it’s not okay to be wrong about the same thing over and over again? I always end up the same thing over and over. Kailan ba ako matututo ? But you know what keeps me going? Continuous learning is a process of life. The day we stop learning new things it would be the end of life.  

RAIN is the main subject in this short film. It succeeds in making the appropriate tone for the film, ensuring that there is more here to experience than the visuals. 

Sometimes we feel empty and that we feel the need for someone to fill that void but the truth is, we don’t need someone to fill that space. You can’t truly love another person if you don’t love yourself enuf. That hollow feeling is borne with insecurities and lack of affirmation of self-love. You need to overcome that. Fight it! Get rid of your thoughts of emotional independence!  There is so much in this world to be happy about. It’s normal to fall down but you must rise even if you do this over and over. What matter is you accept the wrong things you’ve done and you don’t condone (but forgive) yourself for doing them.


TROLLHUNTERS
TROLLHUNTERS – Sprinkle How To Train Your Dragon, a dash of Pan's Labyrinth and a pinch of Spider-Man on your favorite à la carte and you have Trollhunters. Sounds fun? YES IT IS!  I just finished it last night the first season with 26 amazing action-packed episodes. It combines the FUN and ADVENTURE. What I love about this series is the teamwork. How friends help each other. But for some circumstances, sometimes you need to do it alone. By the way, I can't wait for the second season. 


WAIT, I just realized that I could make a post of each shows as one entry. I will do that next time So, I'll  stop here.






Wednesday, March 1, 2017

3 6 7 4 M I L E S

Sending a letter is the next best thing to showing up personally at someone’s door.

Ink from your pen touches the stationary,

your fingers touch the paper,

your saliva seals the envelope.

Something tangible from your world travels through machines and hands,

and deposits itself in another’s mailbox.

Your letter is then carried inside as an invited guest.

The paper that was sitting on your desk, now sits on another’s.

The recipient handles the paper that you handled.

Letters create a connection that modern, impersonal forms of communication will never approach.

I just did. 

Ten pages.

#snailmail

Wednesday, February 22, 2017

#LettingGo

I realize that letting go the person you love is proper.

Not because you're giving up on how you feel about a certain person.

It is sometimes just choosing to love that person from afar to save yourself from further pain.

#lettinggo
#charaught
#loveyourselfmore

Sunday, February 19, 2017

S T R E S S

These past few weeks has been very stressful as the one man team at work. It all started when my team-partner was fired last year. PG! Why are you doing this to me? #birolangpo  Yeah I know how lucky I am that all eyes are on me. 

So I’ve been doing all these things alone since he left ( my team partner ha! #defensivelang ) . Well ganoon naman talaga kapag naiwan ka mag-isa, napakahirap sa simula #hugot It was very hard at first but I am getting used to it day by day.  Nasasanay na din ako. #hugotulit
It isn't easy to stay positive through this, but I am trying to remain positive. Most of my co-workers are miserable. 

The good news is I am back on track with all my exercise routine this week. I was so tired the other day but I made myself get down on that floor and do my some exercises.

And my sleep has been horrible. I have laid awake trying to figure out some issues and not able to shut my mind off. Plus, I am getting weird dreams like me being escalated by the boss and all these shitty things about work. But I also had nice dreams, too, with that special person. That person who I haven't met yet. Actually palage sya sa panaginip ko... That's a good thing right? 

Life is tuff. 

But. 

There is always something to be grateful for.

Monday, February 13, 2017

#AppreciateYourselfMore

Since, I'll be spending this Hearts Day alone.

So what am I doing for myself this Valentine's Day?

I am celebrating ME.
Appreciating ME. Appreciating YOU.
I'll be doing whatever my inner wisdom
     tells me it needs this day to show LOVE for MYSELF .
And we all have to find something in life
     to be THANKFUL for every single day.

Happy Self-Love and Appreciation Day!

#LoveYourself
#LoveYourselfMore
#BeGratefulEveryday
#HappyValentines


Sunday, January 29, 2017

M.A.D.

It's like music to my ears.

Each sweet word that's spoken tells me how you feel.

Is this love I feel inside?

A gentle touch and then a kiss. I crave these things you know.

To be the one you wake up to and who watches you while you sleep.

Each time I hear your voice my heart skips a beat.

The tune it plays is meant for you.

Because each time I hear your voice it's music to my ears.

Monday, January 23, 2017

I Think I'm Falling...

Everyday I think of you.
Every morning I wake with you on my mind.
Every night I dream of you.
Time after time after time.
And I think I'm falling in love.

You once only thought of me as a friend.
Now I hope your thoughts of me will never end.
I wait for you to make you move.
I seem to wait so long.
I'll be here patiently waiting on.
And I think I'm falling in love.

At first the thought of love just made me cry.
Because I've been hurt before.
But I just can't resist these feelings anymore.

Because I think I'm falling in love.

Thursday, January 12, 2017

Here I Am

we have our ups and downs.

sometimes strong, sometimes weak.

then there comes a point when we just have to break down and everyone doesn’t want to go there.

somehow staying focused is the key. not letting go of the child in us and get to see the better side.

all that I could think of for now is…

to make something that is failing become strong and successful again.

to make skin / hair look healthy again

to make someone feel healthy again.

thus, giving myself, someone… a new lease of life.