Friday, December 31, 2010

DECEMBER 31

Prayer For the Last Day of the Year

O God, our Father, today we are looking back across the year that has passed from us.

There is so much for which we need forgiveness.

For the time we have wasted; for the opportunities we have neglected; for the stress we have given to the wrong things; for all the mistakes we have made; for the burdens we have caused to others.

There are so much for which we ought to give You thanks.

For health and for strength; for protection in the time of danger; for healing in the time of illness; for consolation in the day of sorrow; for daily light and daily encouragement.

Bless those for whom this has been a happy year, and make them give the thanks to You.

Bless those for whom this has been a sad year, and help them still to face the future with steady eyes.

And help us in the year that has come so to live that at the end of it we shall not only be one year older, but that we shall also be one year nearer You.

Amen.

Sunday, December 26, 2010

DOORS

What do you do when you don't know what to do?

When you feel lost, or at a loss, what do you do?

How do you move forward? What do you turn to?

I have reached the stage in my life where I now trust the process.

If I don't know what to do, I of course react, eventually calm down and let my mind source out all my choices.

I explore being creative, and eventually the solution will come.

It really is an opportunity to get past the fear and move to another level.

I am reminded of the saying...in my house there are many rooms, some I have never opened yet.

Actually, I am writing this blog today because of my new header. Haha

HAPPY 26th!

Friday, December 24, 2010

MERRY CHRISTMAS!


Let's put CHRIST back in CHRISTMAS!

I’ve heard friends working abroad that they received memos on how to greet co-workers during the season. dapat daw Happy Holidays so that they can avoid any cry of discrimination from those who do not believe in Christ, and in God in general.

I just wonder, and what about us who do believe in Christ and in God? Aren’t we being discriminated upon for not letting us greet each other a cheerful and heartfelt Merry CHRISTMAS?

wala lang. napaisip lang.

So to everyone out there, pardon me if I choose not to be "politically correct" but this holiday is here because of Him. We are all here because of Him.

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!!!

And may we all remember who's birthday it is that we are celebrating. Don’t forget to greet Him din!



Wednesday, December 8, 2010

BUSY WEEK updated

It's the time of the season for busy week.

Monday - seen 2 Movies : Skyline & My Amnesia Girl
Tuesday - attended the premiere of IKA-SAMPU with Andy; tickets courtesy by Aajao.
Wednesday - Arraignment for my SPI case
Thursday - on SL
Friday - had an appointment at DFA for passport renewal
Saturday - will take a rest, I hope. < Fail ! 
Sunday - last Team Huddle for Year 2010.

Following week, I'll be on a romantic Honeymoon. FTW!

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

SEX

Like air is to living

sex is to celebrating life

healthy

lovely

and down right excellent body mind and soul therapy

may you all have many years of joyfilled beautiful and toe curling sexual healing

peace


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Massacre in Maguindanao




It was so unfortunate that it had to happen.

I cannot contribute anything but prayers for the people who died.

May all the souls of those who departed rest in peace and may justice be given for such worthless mass murder.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Monday, November 22, 2010

FORGIVENESS

"As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons."
-The Desiderata by Max Ehrmann

Sunday, November 21, 2010

SHIT




Some music sounds like SHIT, things can look like SHIT, and there are times when you feel like SHIT.




- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

I MISS YOU

At the moment I have little thing to say, but this little means a lot.

Everything I feel now means nothing else that I am missing you.

I wish I could be with you,

Feel your breath close to mine,

See the sunshine through your eyes,

Feel the heat of your hand in my hand,

Hold your hands with the intertwined fingers,

I am longing for your skin and your sweet way of looking at me.

Kiss you passionately.

I miss your voice.

I hope my anguish won’t last too long and we can meet each other.

Yes, very soon in our world.

Where just you and I live

I can’t wait anymore.

I miss you terribly.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

A TIME TO GIVE BACK

"'It is more blessed to give than to receive.'"
Most of us have a picture in our heads of the ideal Christmas. In that picture, the house is beautifully decorated, artistically wrapped gifts are piled under a festive Christmas tree.

At this time of year, when our hearts grow a few sizes and our wallets are already open to buy gifts, why not give something extra and share our blessings to the less fortunate.

Andy has come up with a great idea "A Time To Give Back" project this December.

I am joining and counting myself in on this project and can't wait to get this started!
I believe I can make an input and change someone's life for the better.


"Now it’s time to give back." - PASS it on and JOIN with us! : )

Thursday, November 11, 2010

NEGATIVE

Negativity is best defeated by ignoring it in advance.

Never try to cure the negativity in any one since it has  immediate power and ability to hurt you unless you are highly attentive and spiritually powerful.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Q&A - 001 : FLIRTING / FRIENDLY


What is the difference between FLIRTING & just being FRIENDLY ?

I would say intention is the difference. Apparently nice people get mistaken as flirts most of the time. But someone’s inability to judge character should not be held against a nice person.

If you have no intention of getting them in bed, then it's just being nice. haha

DÉJÀ VU

Is it instant clairvoyance? Is it a memory relived from a past life? Is it an instance lived out at the same time by aspects of yourself in paralleled dimensions? Or is it just too much coffee and not enough sleep?

What do you think it is? I think it's too much coffee.
Actually, Déjà vu could be meeting up with yourself in the future. In some dimension it may happen and then we “physically” catch up with it in third dimensional time.

or

It could be parallel lives living simultaneously and we “bump” into our other selves...in the movie” What the bleep do we know” they discuss the prospect of many different “lives and choices” being lived out at the same time in several dimensions and one day all of our “lives” meet up at the same time.

I have Déjà vu moments especially related to my dreams. Sometimes I have a vivid dream and it feels like it’s so real. Then later that week or sometimes the same day-what I dreamt about comes to pass.

The weird thing is that the dreams are never fantastical. It could be something as simple as dreaming about receiving a letter or talking to a friend on the phone. I also have this feeling when I meet people I connect with-that I have known them my entire life.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Payo Para sa Kaibigang Nag-aaral ng Abogasya

Don't push yourself too much.

If you think you have already exhausted all your efforts and they proved futile than you ever expected, then I think you should calculate first your expectations vis-a-vis your performance.

Sometimes our thoughts betray us. More often than not, we fall prey to it especially when we allow ourselves to set our goals more than we could possibly achieve.

Of course it's never wrong to strive for the best with all our might, but it's wrong to ask too much from ourselves in ways that are even beyond our capacity.

We are all unique; we have our own failings and successes, strengths and weaknesses, and if you think you are not performing the way you want it to, don't fret out too much, don't fault yourself, because law students, great and small, suffer the same setbacks once, twice, many times.

Take each failure as a lesson for the next stride, and most importantly, start from the bottom and work your way up, one at a time.

But it doesn't mean that because you feel you're not good enough every time you get out of your school after the day's harsh, you'll never amount to anything. I bet it won't go as far as that considering that, as you said, you think your performing well enough relatively.

Law school is not only about passing the bar, or feeling extraordinarily bright. It's also about life and the most murdered concept: truth.

Enjoy life, enjoy law school!

Thursday, November 4, 2010

KISS

The kiss that starts the whole mood is crucial to me.

As a man I desire a passionate kiss that can easliy arouse my sexual craving, I believe it is the gateway of emotions.

A good kiss can release the tension and stressors of life and engage in the moment of hot intimate sex with your partner.

The kiss says I want you, take me, seduce me, I am yours.

How we respond to the kiss is equally important of what we feel towards our lover.

A good kiss will leave you begging for more...

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

STARRY STARRY NIGHT (VINCENT)

I love Van Gogh's later works, they were vibrant and full of colour, his unique style appeals to my senses and they always call to me, as I wonder what he was feeling at the time he painted. He was brilliant yet so sad.




Starry Starry Night ~ Don Mclean 
A song worthy of pulling out and listening to once in awhile. It reflects the intense passion of the painter.


Starry, starry night.
Paint your palette blue and grey,
Look out on a summer's day,
With eyes that know the darkness in my soul.
Shadows on the hills,
Sketch the trees and the daffodils,
Catch the breeze and the winter chills,
In colors on the snowy linen land.

Now I understand what you tried to say to me,
How you suffered for your sanity,
How you tried to set them free.
They would not listen, they did not know how.
Perhaps they'll listen now.

Starry, starry night.
Flaming flowers that brightly blaze,
Swirling clouds in violet haze,
Reflect in Vincent's eyes of china blue.
Colors changing hue, morning field of amber grain,
Weathered faces lined in pain,
Are soothed beneath the artist's loving hand.

Now I understand what you tried to say to me,
How you suffered for your sanity,
How you tried to set them free.
They would not listen, they did not know how.
Perhaps they'll listen now.

For they could not love you,
But still your love was true.
And when no hope was left in sight
On that starry, starry night,

You took your life, as lovers often do.
But I could have told you, Vincent,
This world was never meant for one
As beautiful as you.

Starry, starry night.
Portraits hung in empty halls,
frameless head on nameless walls,
With eyes that watch the world and can't forget.

Like the strangers that you've met,
The ragged men in the ragged clothes,
The silver thorn of bloody rose,
Lie crushed and broken on the virgin snow.

Now I think I know what you tried to say to me,
How you suffered for your sanity,
How you tried to set them free.
They would not listen, they're not listening still.
Perhaps they never will

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

SINCERITY




A man can never hope to be more than he is if he is not first honest about what he isn’t.

Don Williams, Jr



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Monday, November 1, 2010

SLEEPING NAKED

me. sleeping naked. | do you sleep naked?
I was lying in bed sleeping naked and I felt someone standing behind me.

I just stayed still.

She came up and almost cuddled against my back. 
I couldn’t move.

She said “shhhhhhhhh”.

I could hear and feel her breathing on me. 
It was a raspy almost animal-like sound of breathing. 
I couldn’t see her because I couldn’t open my eyes yet I knew that she had long dark hair and claw-like nails. Her face is cloaked in shadows.

She placed her hand in mine and continued to lay on top of me and it didn’t feel good at all. It felt like she was displaying control of me. I tried to raise my hand to shoo her away but I couldn’t move. I tried to yell at her but I couldn’t speak.

This whole thing felt malicious in some way.

Finally I jolted myself up out of sleep and the shock of waking so abruptly left me feeling gaga and suffering from headache.

This not the first time I’ve encountered in a dream.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

McDonald's - Love ko 'to


What comes to your mind when I say McDonald's?

Monday, October 25, 2010

INCEPTION

I'd started to learn how to realize I was dreaming several years ago to help when I had nightmares.

In my dreams when they were scary I started realizing it was a dream enough to stand and fight against whatever was scaring me.

Most of the time it was invisible entities but I could feel their presence and even as if the air where thicker or had an actual physicalness I could feel, touch and push against, etc.

After awhile I had less nightmares - it was only recently that I started realizing I had control durring any dream and I started to 'play' almost like in the Matrix.

I would fall asleep but still be aware. I suppose this is what they refer to as lucid dreaming. Anyway, once I was 'in' the dream state and realized it. It was almost as if I 'woke-up' and started running with it.

Wherever my dream - world popped me into...I don't have control over what I dream yet but can control it once I'm there and 'know' it.

It's a trip. I did feel a bit scared in my last dream because it was as if a real energy was in my dream and trying to communicate with me. It tried to scare me away but I kept moving toward it because I knew I was dreaming.

Then it appeared to me as a lady - and I thought, hmm. this could be fun and went with it as if I knew the person and was going to flirt but when I got closer and touched her I felt this crazy burning sensation in the pit of my stomach and felt really sick I woke up still kind of feeling that.

It was weird because I didn't get scared right away but I did feel like whatever had happened wasn't just all a dream but that something more 'real' had taken place through the dream.

I also have such vivid dreams, dreams that pick up from previous dreams or have 'familiar' aspects from past dreams as if it were another consistent reality and many times I've actually remembered dreams as if they were real memories - then had to step back and go - wait, that wasn't real - that was just one of the dreams I've had. It's weird.

And I have had times where my dreams do feel so real at the time my mind confuses them and I have to figure out - try to 'wake up' and see if it's a dream or not. But I often try to wake up in my dream and when I wake up - it's me waking up in the dream. So that's really bizarre. Because it feels the same as when I'm really trying to wake up from a dream in real life when I finally wake up. It reminds me of looking in two mirrors facing eachother where there's copies of the same scene over and over until you can't see them anymore. It's dreams within dreams.

I am so incredibly fascinated with dreams and what they are really about because of how vivid and real my dreams have always been.

It's hard to believe it's really just all in my head.



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Sunday, October 24, 2010

FINDING BALANCE

Today I attempted to conjure the difference between solitude and isolation. I think many people confuse the two.

Solitude, as I perceive it, is the tranquility and peace of a place and time that allows a sense of tolerance, patience and a connection with the beings and things present there. In my experience, one does not have to be alone to experience solitude and the experience can actually be enhanced if two people can actually share the solitude. They connect with each other. I suppose it is even possible tor groups to share solitude.

Isolation, as I perceive it, is the best one word definition of loneliness. Solitude becomes this when the connection is lost. Isolation too, can be enhanced by the presence of another and the chasm grows.

I am only lonely, intensely lonely, when I lose connection. When I lose connection to the place I am and to the objects and beings around me. To the wind and the sun and the stars and the night. To the creatures and people making their way though their journey and to myself.

For me, solitude is the antidote to loneliness and I crave it.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Friday, October 22, 2010

Depends When You Catch Me

Sometimes I just don't know. 

Other times I just don't know.  What I do know is, the more I know, the more there is to know, and the more I know, the less happy I am. 

So, ultimately I just don't know all the time, I suppose, and I don't know most of the time, and when I don't know regarding the things I don't know, I tend to be happiest. 

You know?

All I Want For Christmas


The holiday season is drawing near and giving gifts is an honored tradition that is why I am participating in this blog event of Prinsesa Musang's - All I Want For Christmas, an exchange gift swap between bloggers.

And I just want to add something on b/m list - Something naughty: Thong

Something small: The Confession by John Grisham

Something big: Jansport Backpack ( Right Pack TRC8E )

Something cute: Coin Purse

Something soft: Pillow

Something techie: MacBook Air

Something fancy: Personalized Dog Tag ( gaya-gaya lang kay The Scud )

Something (blue): GAP or Old Navy Shirt

Something wearable: Baseball Cap

Something you need: A Pair of Sandals

Something you can use for work: Starbucks Tumbler

Something sweet: Royce Chocolate

All I Want For Christmas: A 2 week Trip To Europe For Two! = )

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Dear Me

BOO

Did I scare you?

Hahaha... Don't be frightened! It's only me! Or you! Or us! Or whatever!

So, I hope you're not dead. That would be kinda creepy, yeah? Dude, if you're a ghost you TOTALLY gotta find a way to tell me, aight?

Peace


- A Letter To My Future Self






- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone


Monday, October 18, 2010

This World Is Full of Trouble Makers

People are generally mean and egotistical. They have very little concern about other people’s worries. People tend get happy over other people’s misfortune simply because they have become too hopeless themselves. Thinking about other people’s problems is their sole objective.

In other words we live by making others unhappy. This is the basic problem with the society. There is so much greed and corruption and an honest man has to struggle. People are vicious and they think themselves to be over clever. Being over clever is just a statement that they are obsessed with.

Where I live people tend to copy each other and do stupid things that they belief are quiet amusing. Ridiculing others is a part of their life. Nothing good can ever come out of this baseless culture. That has strange norms and traditions.

It’s a man eat a man world. In order to succeed you need to step on the throats of other men and reach your destination. Kindness is little seen or heard.

People have a tendency to hurt others. In fact they make every effort to humiliate other fellow human beings. I mean what’s the point in bothering another person? Grow up, purposeless trouble makers.

It’s time you need to change things. People are getting aware of the fact that bullying won’t work. Even messing up with other people’s life won’t work.

Someday you have to pay back for your evil deeds and that payment can be heavy on your budget.

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Video Scandal

See my first ever video scandal here.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

BABY STEPS

Certain events in the life of a friend and Nyl's latest blogpost -- have forced me to re-think the relationship I have with my father. My Dad and I are never close, not due to neglect or abuse or a poor upbringing.
On the contrary, my formative years and childhood was spent in relative comfort with much love and support from both of my parents.

However, as I grew up and the issues of depression and anti-social behavior began to manifest themselves in me, I started to isolate myself more and more from my family.

What didn't help was how different my Dad and I are from each other. He is much more like my brother-like sisters. He is very much a blue collar guy, likes to have fun, drink, smoke and most things I was not. I always felt like he was disappointed in me, even though he never said so and much of it was probably in my own head. It is always awkward for us to be alone together, never really saying anything to each other, just sitting in silence. We hardly ever talk about anything when we do manage, and then it's only small talk like the weather and the local sports team.

Realizing that people that you never really connected to could be gone in an instant, leaving you with no opportunity to ever fix things, prodded me to see if I could mend the awkward relationship with my Dad.

It is never too late though.

So I got up the courage, picked up the phone and called him tonight. I knew that nothing would be completely fixed with one phone call, and I didn't even intend to have a deep heart to heart anyway. I just called with the intention of saying Hi and seeing how he was doing. I figured that if I can start doing that more, the ice could be broken and subsequent conversations would follow.

I kept it light, but the important point was that I called. We talked for about 15 minutes and he did seem genuinely surprise yet pleased that I called talk to him and not just my Mom which I what usually happens.

I got over the hump, picked up the phone and started my small baby steps in that area.

I really want this to bear fruit, but I know that it will be slow going, mainly because of my own hang ups about opening up to people, even with my family.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Selfish


...as of right now the title speaks for itself.

Monday, October 11, 2010

Wish

I don't wish.

Wishing tends to be empty and void of action.

People say, "I wish I had a better job." but that person rarely does something to manifest the job.

Wishing is dangerously seductive because many think they are doing something like goal setting by wishing.

Intending is much more proactive than wishing.

So, I intend.





Photo taken here.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Breakaway


"It's never too late to start life over again and make the change."

Monday, October 4, 2010

Coffin Dream

I Think. Because of my previous post. I had weird dreams last night. 

There was a black box made of wood, around 4x4 meters, being lifted by men into my grandfather's house.

I recognized the box as the stage that was used for the play in which I played as a deep penetration agent/boxer who was caught and tortured by NPA comrades.

The box transformed into a coffin. My nieces and nephews began to gather around it.

Seeing their innocent faces, I felt my throat tightened.

Then I gasped for breath as I saw myself lying in the the coffin.

I woke up sobbing.

Thursday, September 30, 2010

IMAGINE


The Crusades left millions of Muslims and Christians butchered. The Catholic Inquisition is estimated to have burned at the stake 9 million so called "heretics". This is even worse than Hitler's 6 million Holocaust victim. The Catholics and Protestants are still at each other's throats in Northern island. Add to this, the Muslim suicide bombers and their victims. The 9/11 twin tower incident would not have happened if not for religion.

On many occassions, in the annals of human history, religion has transformed otherwise normal human beings into mad men, killing for the sake of his God. Added to all these is the well-reported scandals involving priests committing Pedophilia and the systematic effort of the church hierarchy to cover up the said crimes. 

Organized religion has failed humanity. The great cathedrals of Europe have now become mere tourist spots because faithfuls don't go to church anymore. Man has become secular rather than spiritual. 

The latter half of the 20th century had seen many of the greatest minds turn away from religion. When it comes to God, this past 100 years or so, many people and some of the brightest minds are rejecting God than any other period in church history. Sir Isaac Newton declared that everything he observed was the work of God. Yet less than 300 years after Newton's death the top minds in the world are wondering if there is even a place for God in a self-contained universe.

We now know so much more than we used to. Man's knowledge and his mastery of the natural world made God unneccessary.

Is mankind better off without religion?







Photo taken here.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Blow Me Away

I'm getting emotional again, I know right.

Hope You Guys can cheer me up!

I'm depressed and having negative thoughts.

Problems that work & home. I'm losing it. Need to escape. Take it easy, Ahmer!

But at least, I know what is going on with ME.

I just want to blow it off.

It's like a pressure cooker. You release some of the air, So it won't boil over.

Friday, September 24, 2010

Insensitive

I got killed with insensitivity.
I have this friend.
One way or another, She has done things which have hurt me.
I was transparent to let her feel that I am angry.
She noticed it but had no idea why I felt that way.
The more I got angry at her because of her being clueless.
Then I was hit in the head. She would not give a damn.
Coz she is insensitive to care.
Kaya nga insensitive diba?
Ang tanga ko naman : D

The word is truly amazing. Coz it speaks for itself.
It encompasses it all. But then again, as if the word would care about it.
Insensitive nga diba? : )

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Celebration

Sa unang pagkakataon ako ay magdiriwang ng aking anibersaryo at emo-emohan.

Biruin nyo, naka-Dalawang Taon na pala aking tahanan dito sa mundo ng blogosperyo.

Na minsan ko na din iniwan ng anim na buwan, lumipat sa bagong tahanan at muling nagbalik na kung saan ako dito nagsimula. 
Parang buhay pag-ibig, minsan handa mong isakripisyo ang isang bagay para sa minamahal mo' na sa bandang huli ay malalaman mo sa maling tao mo pala ito naibigay. 


Sabi nga ni Roanne sa bagong post nya, Ganun talaga ang buhay' Kumplikado! At dahil dyan naisipan ko din gumawa ng Dream Board gaya-gaya lang kay Chingoy -- sa blogpost nya na yan ay madami pala akong pangarap na na-isantabi muna kaya gagawa din ako ng dream board ko para mapa-alala sa akin ang mga gusto ko mangyari sa aking buhay.


Sa loob ng Dalawang Taon ng aking paninirahan sa mundong punong-puno ng kamunduhan magagandang salita na nagbibigay inspirasyon sa bawat mambabasa; at pumukaw sa ating damdamin, madami na din ang nangyari na bahagyang naka-pagpabago sa takbo ng aking buhay; nagkaroon ng pag-ibig, nabigo at muling nagmahal.

Noong nagsisimula pa ako, Akala ko hanggang sa mundo lang ito kayo pwede magkakilala. Hindi ko akalain na posible pala ang magkaroon ka ng kaibigan dito sa blogosperyo. Kaya ako ay nagpapasalamat sa mga Blogger na aking nakilala at naging kaibigan sina Jepoy, Glentot, Yj, Nyl, Victor, Chingoy, Andy, Gillboard, Pusang-Kalye, Shattershards at sa mga hindi ko pa nakikita ng personal na sina Raft3r na pinaka masipag mag-iwan ng komento, Roanne, The Scud, Fiel-kun, Bulakbolero magpakita na kayo! Haha Pasensya na sa mga nakalimutan ko. Haha

Muli akong nagpapasalamat sa lahat na naging bahagi ng Dalawang Taon ko sa mundong ito.

Inuman na!

Sunday, September 19, 2010

What Goes Around Comes Around


What is karma? Why do we have karma? Is karma with the self or do we truly have lessons that need to be learned with other souls?  



When I think about karma I think about attitude, energy, cause and effect and that as attitude and energy, Karma rides along with the force (within us) that we use to live out our lives. I have never heard karma explained this way, this is just my thinking about karma applied to my life.


Karma, for me, is like DNA, it is like a life script within us, and I/we can learn how to regulate the type and kind of karma that sits within our hearts and minds, and rises up from the unconscious.

What do you think karma is and how has it affected you?





Image taken here.

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Things That Matter

It doesn't matter how well we can count our rights and wrong.

Nor the ones who we messed up.

It doesn't matter what of our good aspects add up to great, or how we have gotten to be.

It isn't about who we pretend to be.

But it is who we are, That makes us, what, all just what there is to love.

If somehow you can be you, And love and be loved in return.

What does really matter anyway? A lot.

It is knowing that makes it all worthwhile.





Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Therapy

Wednesday

Got home at 08:15
.
.
.
Listened to TMR until their segment ended.
Topic : Dear Blank, (Note)
Worth it 'coz my entry sorted out.

It goes like this...

"Dear Antok, Dalawin mo naman ako"
.
.
.
Time 10:25

Wide awake.
Tossed and turned still can't sleep.
I wanted to sleep, but my mind and body were not cooperating.

"What's on my mind? There's a problem do I need to solve?"
I figured out what's what, I thought I will be on my way to some restful zzzz's
Tried to ignore it but still there...on my mind

Time 12:15
Got up and did something 'till tired enough.
Did some light stretches.

Booze-wise.
Had glasses of red wine.

All Failed

Time 12:39

I took a warm bath and a glass of warm milk.
Moved to a darker room.
Played some soothing music that lull me to sleep.

Breathe. Inhaled. Exhaled.

Mantra.
Mmmmmmmm
om
Ahhhh
So Sleepy...

Prayed.
I turned it over to the M of U.

Time 14:59 - Sleeping

and Woke up at 18:38

The Time used Reference from Text Messages.
Therapy by India.Arie - the last song that I heard before slipping into Dreamland.






Friday, September 10, 2010

NO ONE ELSE COMES CLOSE

It was a fine sunny afternoon away on a beach. The day I cannot forget. The carroty velvet sky appears just solemn above the horizon where our thoughts our glued.

“What could be beyond there?

I asked, feeling the scalp of your hair on my chin.

“Isn’t that supposed to be something you must tell me, honey?” you sweetly answered while moving your hands upwards to caress my cheeks.

For a while, silence engulfed us but the racing waves of the sea. It rhymed with the tune of our soul. You and me---locked away from the sneering eyes of men.

“At last, you are here with me now…I could never ask for anything more than this moment…” I whispered as my lips moved down a bit just near to your ears.

Then you softly muttered, “I love you…” with your eyes cutely closed.

I can never explain how much that delicate figure on my lap seizes me. I thought of things I could say, but I just can’t find the right ones. I virtually ran out of words at the sight of that image.

For once, I pleaded divinely for the clock to stand still that moment and let the world be a living witness to our madness. I cannot overemphasize this, but I love you even more.

“This is stupidity!” We always vocally say that. Deep inside us, we could not even care less. I would never hesitate tucking my heart out if only to let them all know that you mean the entire world to me now.

“Uh-uh-um-uh-uh-uh-uh-um-uh…….”

I hummed the best lullaby I could muster as I picked from the corner of my mind a song I’ve always wanted to sing to you.


“When we turn out the lights…the two of us alone together,
Something just not right, but girl you know that I won’t ever let,
Another’s touch, come between the two of us,
‘Coz no one else will ever take your place,

…no one else comes close to you…no one makes me feel the way you do…”
I felt your hands clasping my arms as if to emphasize yourself to me in between the lines I had sung. You didn’t have to say anything at all to let me know just what you feel. The warmth of your embrace means it all. Just that and nothing more.

In a split of a second, we drifted into a fantasy hardly ever been done and think of. We love each other so much just enough to fuel our latent desires and propel us into a world of make-believe---at least we made it on that day.

I cuddled you more inside my arms, feeling envious of even a slight breeze of air on your cheeks. The night was getting dark and I had sensed a feeling of urgency to hide you inside me.

“Just when will this end? I am tired of setting things up and be a slave of your time. Take me now to a place where we could feel fear no more…” you whimpered.

In the midst of the darkness, I saw a shining ball of water dropped from your eyes. Not one, not two, not three---but endless. I felt your pain as your sobs rhymed with the sound of the waves as if telling me I needed to set you free. A tear fell helplessly from my eyes.


Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Off-The-Wall

Strangely, I have become a slave to my emotions…the passion I’ve been wanting to conceal ever since I started to put much weight into my pride and masculine undertones to let other people know that my love will manifest only at a very random circumstance. Afraid for everybody to take a superficial judgment into my long-been-kept fragility, I tried my way of upholding my belief of an ideal love clandestinely. Until everything has changed when I met you darling. Was it a sort of karmic debt? Or another love story bound to end tragically?

We may never know how long will this end and how far we may go through in the midst of the unseen mockery of our first self-proclaimed divinely-planned encounter. A love like ours, have happened cyclically ever since God finally assented to give us the one-in-a-million privilege of knowing each other. Until now, I still ask myself, and the entire universe who have been both the conspirators and witnesses, of how our love began.

I had walked astray to different forks of my journey all this time, certainly and constantly believing that the road I have been traversing is somewhat the right and final one. I fooled myself of the things I had come across with and let myself being mired into sordid circumstances. I never knew that we both had passed the same roads until we just saw each other stained with blood at the crossroads. The pains of our past keep flashing on our minds and vitiating our professed affection…and it will never cease to exist in the depths of my soul for its scars have remained there, constantly reminding me that fate has played a game on us unknowingly. But my love has been binding in you already that each strand of your repulsive past made me always less of a man.

I don’t understand myself why am I still fighting for you though the pain has been a constant nightmare to me. I will never understand it and I will seek the answers no more for I know I couldn’t dig into the true essence of my obsession. I just let it be and hold myself and my destiny liable for the heartaches and pains it brought to me. You have never wronged me, but my fate does…I fell into its bait purposely to smack me of the reality. Neither would I feel bitter about it nor would I blame you because we are just puppets being played meticulously at the center stage of God’s loving hands.

With much love and adoration to the girl whom I had willfully let myself a slave…I love you apart from all my doubts, my pains and my hatred…


- Letter from A man who considers himself as just another fly off the wall.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Before I Let You Go

Things to consider before resigning from a job

- Know why you are leaving
- Don't quit on a sudden idea
- Don't resign without having another job lined up
- Think about what do you want
- Don't threaten to leave unless you mean it
- Get the job in writing
- Know your financial situation
- Don't assume you will easily get a job
- Update your Curriculum Vitae
- Prepare your Letter of Resignation

Good Luck !



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Tongue

Because of boredom.

I tried to swallow it.

It is possible, but really stupid.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Monday, August 23, 2010

Twenty Seven


"For years now, I've been searching feverishly for something. I believe that GOD stands beside me through it all."  
Something Is Missing In My Life

"It has been my beacon of light when I used to complain at the way life is treating me. It gives me wisdom and inspiration for living life to the full."
An inspired piece of work

"If we can’t see the good things we already have, then how will we see the good things we don’t have?"
Am I really unhappy?

"Music gives opinions in your mind but hidden in a melody. It imparts story, a story full of reality, fantasy or sarcasm. It not only draws the mind but it touches the soul and heart."
What the music speaks the heart listens

"The silence is what cradles me, and gives me solace."
Silence

"I just realized reading today's different Blog posts, that "strangers" is an unfamiliar term for me."
Strangers

"Sometimes after becoming angry I feel energized and creative."
Anger.

"Everyday I make sure to smile and laugh with at least ONE person at a minimum."
Smile

"...the last risk I took was writing this little blog here."
Our Capacity To Transform

"One can not deny that we are connected to each other and that alone, for me, eliminates the illusion that left to our conscious minds, we can navigate the pathways of our lives on our own."
Guides and Angels

"Always be willing to admit that you don't have all the answers."
11 Keys 

"The thoughts we have and the actions we take make us who we are."
Animals
"First time I saw porn, I was eight."
Porn or No Porn

"...to be successful and financially independent enough to be able to treat my parents to a cruise around the world..."
Enough

"The attachment to and the belief that one's point of view is the only one that should exist."
Give Peace A Chance
 .
"Just listen to my breath. Not try to control it. Just pay attention to my breath."
Bored

"But I am aware that i am growing older."
Age is just a number

"Love and Lust are different kinds of emotions."
Physical Intimacy

"This is called the church of the mind and you can go there anytime you choose."
Religion

Sometimes I find just the right words that others have written and they help me along through my journey and my difficulties.
Half Orange

"The heart says “I want this, this is my desire” and the head says, “No you don’t” and the heart says “Yes I do” and the head says “Don’t (sticking out tongue)”."
Going Out of My Head

"Everyday should be a celebration of your Life."
Let Us Celebrate!

"Now, I am faced again with this crossroad of life and I ask myself; do I follow my guide or do I follow my heart?"
Crossroads

"Inspiration comes from many places."
When I Look at You

"Love comes later when two people meet and start knowing each other well."
Unforgettable

"I am big now but still not fully grown."

Half of Me is Missing

"It's another year to grow and learn about yourself..."

Birthday 2009


"Today, I thank God for my 27th years of a blessed Life"



videokeman mp3
Bless the Broken Road – Rascal Flatts

Friday, August 20, 2010

IS IT TIME TO LEAVE?

In almost six years of stay at my job...
At first, work is extremely challenging.

As time passes however, I become adept at my job.
I find ways to do my work faster and more efficiently.

I can say that I love what I do and the people I am with.
Even if it's not compensate as well as I want.

But as more time passes,
Things become cushy.
I am not learning anymore.
Politics are getting in the way of work.
I'm getting bored at work.
Doesn't feel like I need to challenge myself anymore.
I feel that my world in this place is getting smaller and smaller.

Is it time to leave?

BTW, I lied in my previous post.

PostScript : Sorry Hon, I am so quiet lately. I am trying to steal time and find a moment to relax. I will be okay.




- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Photo taken from here.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Three

I will be MIA for three days.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Monday, August 16, 2010

No Matter What

Somewhere down the street,

Someone's gonna pick you up,

Care for your bruises and gives you a hug,

No matter who you were,

No matter who would you become...

No matter what.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

D I R T ?

There is no animosity, for C at least against B.

A : Why did you remove C on your friends list?

B : I'm cleaning up my Facebook Account.

If B is reading this post, Possibly A will get rid of too.




Monday, August 9, 2010

Shout Out

Work Related :

Whew! I just checked my e-mail (office) and someone shot an e-mail from Spain under same support asking for my assistance.

They need some help for their project  ( they want to make a Spanish leaflet, the final users will be the SALES and Customer service and the external customers who are the potential users ).

Goal : A leaflet with basic information to understand the different options, the pros of each of them, the how, what and why ... -- a good tool to promote the e-channels ( the business ).

This is similar to a Newsletter that I've been doing on a monthly basis.

Hmmmm... Maybe they should hire-me-first instead for this propose plan.

What do you think? : D

Well, I am willing to Help without pay for use of something.

Off Topic :

I had a great snack at Mc Donald's with special someone after not seeing each other for five days. See you later! : )

Friday, August 6, 2010

Unforgettable

I can still remember...

...the first time we talked. It's phlegmatic and I was not even excited but I am just eager to know you and be my friend.

...it's been four months since the first time we met - the first time when I see you smiled at me. It was a relief because I was in trauma that time.
We've been very good friends since then.

...you were there when I am so disheartened just to feel me better. I felt the silent comfort of your presence.

...our first flight together, I am at sixes and sevens that time -- there's this question hanging in my head that asking me " Are you just a friend ? "
And Yes, you are a friend but also my lover.

...the first time you said "I love you" and the first night we kissed. I will never forget that wonderful night.

...the first time you did only just for me and with the trust you have given me that moment - I've never felt so much love.

...that you lied. Yes, you lied. It's not that you lied outright. I know and understand why you did. It doesn't hurt me anymore. I have moved already. You know what I mean.

I've never felt a connection like this before.
Felt so good, Felt so right.
No inhibitions.

Love comes later when two people meet and start knowing each other well.

It's so beautiful to develop this love and nurtured it well until it sprout naturally.

I miss you : )


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Monday, August 2, 2010

T R E E


I do believe that we plan our lives before we came here, however, I also believe that plan is more like a huge tree with many branches than a linear destiny, so how our lives turn out is still a matter of free will. We can be great or small in any given lifetime. The possibilities are there for both and everything in between.

I think the tree trunk and the main center portion of our tree is our most likely path. We place lessons along the way for ourselves. But at any moment, we could veer off onto a branch. Some branches are wide, others are tiny and narrow (but can be very rewarding). Some branches cross over others, allowing us further choices, and some branches have dead ends (literally).

And then there are times when a soul has so exceeded it's own expectations for that lifetime that a new path is negotiated by the higher self even while the person is in a body already.

I do not feel that this interferes with free will at all. We can make any choice at any time, and also we are the ones who made any choices that seemed pre-destined (like who our parents are).

Monday, July 26, 2010

BOLD

Be Brave! It is so easy to be deterred from the bigger, courageous decision
- in favor of what we know
( which really is fear - of unknown, or rather the fear of what we perceive we know ).
Be OK with Not Knowing.
It is within the silence that we allow ourselves to let Go and let In.
Courage be with you.